“Am I beautiful?” That’s the question plaguing the nightmares a Californian by the name of Claire. It’s not a matter of vanity though. No, Claire’s nightmare involves a woman in red with a ghastly facial injury asking if she’s beautiful. Claire’s roommate/sister Sarah just so happens to be writing her thesis on the Japanese urban legend of the Slit Mouth Woman. Claire’s other friend lets her know that the spooky story is blowing up all over Los Angeles. She knows a lot of information (almost, too much information) and Claire’s friend lets her know the horrific entity supposedly has two sisters. Just like Claire! And she doesn’t know one of her sisters! Because she grew up in Japan! Wow. That’s one hell of a coincidence! Claire’s friend with all the info who inspired Claire to share information that is probably important seemingly disappears and then reappears dead, all slit-mouthed. This leads to an eagle eye view of the suburbs as Claire unconvincingly freaks out. “Monica! Monica! Why? Why? Monica!” It’s hilarious. Sarah wants Claire to come with her to talk to her professor because now that Monica is dead there must be someone else with plenty of helpful information. He knows that all the Japanese folks immigrating to L.A. have added force to the urban legend and now the evil is manifesting. Yep. This man has a degree. We then jump to the story he’s telling about three workers at a fetishized Japanese cafe where the waitresses dress like maids and the murders that come their way thanks to fooling around with the supernatural. That’s Kokkuri-san and its take on the dangers of mixing Ouija boards and lesbianism. Yes. It was definitely written by a dude. Why do you ask? A monster hunter arrives in L.A. looking into all the slit mouth woman sightings because that’s just what he does in Furen the Evil Hunter. He also brings mystical justice to sinners which leads to some very unconvincing crime drama and the antics of an evil dude dressed like a priest. Zombies, kung fu, manifested swords, fireballs and a woman who could be Heather Graham’s stunt double if you’re looking at her while suffering really bad allergies spice things up in a wonderfully stupid fashion. The last story involves a helpful stranger being introduced to a man’s sister who has supernatural powers after he lends a hand to the stranded motorist. The young girl went through a horrifying experience in Japan and things have changed. Or maybe she and her brother are just fucking nuts. It probably won’t end well for the good samaritan in Umeko's Friends. And it will tie into the other stories too. Finally, Claire learns a valuable lesson that may just save her life. Lucky for us Am I Beautiful? dropped hints with the subtly of a hammer blow to the fucking face so we’re a little ahead of her. I have never hidden my love of Kuchisake-onna and the Americanization by Japanese hands is bizarre as fuck and handled by a mixed cast that tries their hardest but don’t exactly have the goods to convince. Four different directors tackle different angles loosely tied together with the bevy of local performers that Los Angeles provides to piece together this iffy anthology that doesn’t always feature the titular boogeywoman. It never feels firmly planted on sane ground but doesn’t have the budget or creativity to be blissfully strange as much as it feels like it deserves to be. It’s weird enough for a watch but you don’t have to sit through all one hundred plus minutes of it.
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