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Drifting along life to wherever the road may take him, wandering hitman Goose comes across a castle located in the desolate countryside. He’s been called there by the eccentric and wheelchair-bound Harold. Goose has made the trip with the promise of money from the homeowner who has a job for him. It’s twenty grand for Goose to stay with the man until three in the morning and make sure he is kept alive. Goose is annoyed by the talkative weirdo and he may be a cold prick but his host is definitely a bit too whimsical for the tastes of any adult. To pass the time, Harold weaves some yarns he makes up from a collection of newspaper headlines he keeps in a scrapbook. The first story finds a Halloween party guest getting invited to a private Halloween party with his friends at a fancy mansion in the middle of nowhere. The party proves to be a bit stuffy, with the trio of much younger guests looking incredibly out of place. Billy begins to question the party and his friends as the off vibes get to him. As most thirty-year-old men do when confronted with social awkwardness, Billy gets drunk off of punch and confrontational to the elderly party guests. Obviously, his suspicions are well-founded and there’s something sinister in the works. Kind of coming off like a homegrown story from Tales from the Crypt, it definitely works a bit of nostalgia magic and utilizes off-color humor with a shockingly strong cast to be pretty damn fun. Odd and a strong opening to things. Harold’s next story follows a broken-hearted young man jumping off a cliff and being collected by some schlubby weirdo who was waiting for his fatal fall. He gathers up the corpse and drags it home to his apartment. He has a room filled with corpses (with ping-pong ball eyes taped on em), treating em like his own gang of friends. Kevin’s buddy John also hangs out with him and doesn’t seem to mind all the corpses hanging around. The landlord shows up looking for rent and ends up having a heart attack when he comes across the “party”. A one-note joke goes on much longer than necessary and then decides to just keep on going. It all wares out the patience because the comedy isn’t there to payoff the length. Goose gets annoyed with Harold as he calls bullshit on all the stories he’s being told. Harold persists. A trio of young people are driving around looking for a hotel in the middle of nowhere. They’re on their way for a team-bonding weekend and decide to do some roadside adventuring when they realize they are going to be very early to the event. This begrudgingly brings them to a cave attraction and even though they are closed, the guide lets them pop in for ten minutes to look around. The two guys are bored as hell and would much rather be fishing but the female of the group is all about it. A low-budget cave-in starts up and the three flee. They can’t find the guide so they just decide to leave. Their car is dead and they have no phone signal on any of their devices. With no other option, they trek it to the nearest point of population. There’s no luck as it seems everyone has just vanished and the hotel where they’re supposed to be staying is completely void of life. Strange noises from the sky cause further concern and our trio are lost for any kind of answer. Bright lights and louder sounds lead to a revelation but the answer doesn’t necessarily offer any sort of comfort. A very neat low-key bit of predictability which is fine by me. A storm approaches, Goose gets himself some brandy and Harold insists on telling one last story before his security takes his leave. The final story has a middle-aged couple camping in the woods and running afoul something savage. They don’t last long and the woman’s adult son with a neurological disorder is left to deal with the massacre of his mother. A creepy hobo warns him of werewolves and then begins to stalk him. Life carries on and the young man goes about his work of being a bingo caller (his shiny suit and bow tie is quite impressive) at a hall run by a real asshole. His rhythm is thrown off when the homeless stalker shows up. It’s about as disastrous as a bingo game can go. A sympathetic hero and a backyard sfx werewolf transformation (and slaughter) really seal the deal. There’s a few shocking bits of honestly solid comedy to go along with the lo-fi monster moments and I am here for that. As is tradition, with Goose’s time at an end, we learn why Harold hired him on. An under-reliance on any digital special effects further endears this film to me and the usage of short stories to build a movie makes sure there’s no real boredom. With only one story not really doing anything for me, I’d call this anthology a success. Just be sure you’re setting your expectation in the proper realm of horrific shenanigans.
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