That infamous piece of Long Island property is purchased by a group of friends who hope to convert it into condos and make themselves a nice chunk of change. Well… I really don’t think you need me to tell you how that goes. The group of savvy dopes talk like they’re in a poorly scripted episode of Gilmore Girls (without the natural charm and chemistry of Lauren Graham and Alexis Biedel it’s just insufferable) and can’t seem to see the blood-stained writing on the wall. As they get situated in the house, they are greeted by plenty of accidents that just barely miss causing some serious injuries but that supernatural bullshit is for the birds and the group of dinks continue to look the other way. Vivid nightmares, menacing voices, moving doors flickering lights and a tiny coffin with a horrid little statue inside can’t even persuade these levelheaded adults to accept their losses and run for the hills. A surprising death among them is believed to be a suicide but things continue to ramp up and tension grows within the group. A paranormal podcaster arrives, looking to spend the night in the place for his show but is kicked out immediately. He manages to film one of the owner’s sarcastically claiming the place is haunted. This gets the spot popular yet again and leads to a bunch of social media dopes posting videos about it. This forces them to let the podcaster interview them so they can refute the haunted history of the joint. It doesn’t go well and things get worse when the podcaster spends the night, ends up attacked in his room, runs out into the middle of the street and is promptly run down by a car. I don’t think it was meant to be as funny as I thought it was. A reverend breaks his leg after unknowingly writing “SIN SIN SIN” on their wall (also funny) and that handsome-as-ever Brendan Fehr shows up as a professor who heads the parapsychology department at the local university and that’s at least something nice I can say about the movie. It’s not overtly bad, it’s just kind of lame and features some super shitty ghosts, which is a bit of a problem when it comes to a haunted house flick. The film ends and then goes on for thirty more minutes because Canadians are too polite to tell you that it’s over.
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