Dustin Ferguson has unleashed more than a few endurance tests onto this world (those who have managed to sit through Moon of the Blood Beast, The Clown Chainsaw Massacre & The Beast Beneath like my dumb ass would have to agree) tries his hand at the long-running Camp Blood series with the expected results. After a long introduction of less-than convincing handheld footage… (digitally scratching up footage from a digital camera is just silly), we’re informed three years have passed since the last outing… an outing that proves even Polonia POWA can’t do much with this series… and some horny campers (boobs and mostly obscured bush!) are spied on by the ever-present heavy-breathing POV camera. Predictable death soon follows. Dawn breaks and we join some agitated-looking girl as she goes through her morning routine and throws on the usual low-rent news that looks nothing like any news show present in this universe so they can fill the audience in on a backstory about graverobbing and other macabre shit that would have been too much effort to allow to play out naturally. In a big ol’ middle finger to anyone watching, it has dick-all to do with anything going on in this movie. We spend a lot of time with this until our hero does what I wish I could and turns it off. She feeds her cute cat and then goes for a walk. Thank god it’s all caught on camera! She hits up a resale shop and does some browsing. Thank god it’s all caught on camera! There is a wonderful Great Dane in the store, so I guess this hasn’t been a complete waste of my time. We then join two other girls as they prep themselves in a mirror to some impressively generic crap-rock that sounds like something that would have been created to make fun of 80’s montage music. There are no pets to break the tedium of this scene. Oh fuck. Coolduder shows up to talk on the phone and drive another nail into my enjoyment’s coffin. Raven (the name of the shopping girl) delivers more exposition over the phone and lets us know she and a gaggle of dimwits (including those two chickadees who were getting ready) are about to head on out for a weekend roadtrip to some concert. Cut to some dope ripping up a picture of Raven and throwing on a clown mask in a dingy basement. His non-threatening ass marches out into the world and begins wandering around the woods. The traveling gang of goobers stop at a gas station and the locals are shocked to hear the dopes are camping the night before the concert at the infamous Camp Blood. Filling in those who don’t know the legend, a fuck-ton of footage from the previous Camp Blood movie is offered up because why bother to make your own fucking movie? The victims arrive at Camp Blood which finally gives the wiener in the clown mask something to do but first we need plenty of footage of our heroes walking. Followed by footage of them setting up tents. Thank god it’s all caught on camera! More history of the area is delivered around the campfire followed by an extended dance sequence to electronic music that is my kind of awful. For some reason we seem to jump ahead in time as the clown murders one of the girls who is suddenly tied up in his makeshift torture room standing over the corpse of her friend who we did not see die. Thank god we dedicated so much time to shopping, walking, Coolduder chatting and flashbacks. The crap-rock returns for the climax featuring Raven running in forced slow motion as the clown stomps after her, finally revealing his spurned-lover inspiration for the lackluster killing spree. It’s never good when the slashing aspect of a slasher movie feels like an afterthought. As a final “Fuck You” from the filmmaker, it ends with a “To Be Continued”. Who knew shitting one’s pants could be so fucking tedious but here we are… at the worst entry of this series… so far.
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