The Perfect Weapon (1991)

Jeff Speakman is Jeff Sanders in The Perfect Weapon

I don’t know about you weirdos but I would not want to take on the Korean mafia. I didn’t even know there was a Korean mafia but according to Jeff’s mentor, Kim, that is because I’ve never been Korean. It’s a valid point.

Jeff Sanders is a bad ass. How do we know he’s a bad ass? For starters he needs to be reminded to take a water break on the construction site. I’m sure he just drinks water at work to make his boss feel better. I doubt he ever gets dehydrated, bad asses don’t need to worry about dehydration. After this brief glimpse of Jeff’s badassery we are blessed with the opening credits.

ULTIMATE BAD ASS ALERT!

As the credits hit we watch Jeff practice Kenpo Karate by himself in his sad little apartment. “No great shakes!” you may think but you’d be so god damn wrong. Jeff practices Kenpo Karate by himself in his sad little apartment to The Power by Snap. Jesus. Such a bad ass.

After a phone call to his old mentor ends with Korean mafia interruption Jeff decides to head home. Cue flashback. Jeff had problematic teenage years due to his mother’s death. Teen angst leads to learning discipline through Kenpo Karate. Things are going well and young Jeff is on his way to Kenpo greatness when his wise ass little brother mouths off to the wrong high school football player. After accidentally almost killing the athlete, his police officer father wants him out of his house. I’m not sure how much of an accident it is when you repeatedly kick a man in the head. Even if he is wearing a helmet.

Our hero heads off after a quick stop by the dojo and a brief lesson in needing to be more like a dragon (walk away from ass bag jock) and less like a tiger (repeatedly kicking ass bag jock in his stupid helmeted head). Taking this knowledge with him, our hero turns to the romantic experiences that only the life of a drifting construction worker can bring.

One flashback filled car ride later and Jeff is home. He finds that his old mentor is not one to be bullied by the Korean mafia. His shop will not be a storage place for drugs and prostitutes. I know very little about the proper storage of drugs and nothing about prostitute storage. I’m so green I didn’t even know they kept prostitutes stored in the back of Korean antique shops. Anyways, Jeff offers to help his old mentor but is told not to interfere.

Well maybe a little interference would have helped, the old mentor gets his proud ass murdered. If he had stood his ground and the Korean mafia had backed down then our heroic drifter would have no one to avenge. Without a reason for vengeance he’d just be some white guy who likes to do karate in tight jeans and fuck around with the Korean mafia. I’d still watch that movie but Jeff would be far less justified in his actions.

Now that the mentor is dead we can get acquainted with the rest of the cast.

• Adam: The detective on the mentor’s murder case. He’s also our hero’s younger brother. He has pretty fantastic hair, which would only become more fantastic when he acted on Touched by an Angel
• Jimmy: The old mentor’s new project. He’s a kid from the streets that can bond with Jeff because both their mom’s died. He is played by Rufio from Hook. He does not have his awesome red rooster Mohawk yet but I’m willing to forgive him. His mentor did just die
• Tanaka: He’s the Korean mafia’s assassin. He assassinates by lethal head-butt. How fucking cool is that?!? I don’t have anything to say about his hair
• Yung: Yung is played by James Hong who played Cassandra’s dad from Wayne’s World 2. He is one of the heads of the Korean mafia. He wants you to think he is one of the good kind of Korean mafia bosses but since it is James Hong we know he’s the main villain.

Yung tries to convince Jeff he was friends with his old mentor and vengeance is due to the other bosses. Well, Jeff figures out pretty damn quick that Yung is the one who deserves to be sprayed with hot vengeance. And sprayed he shall be. Jeff heads to the final showdown destined for victory because he is some crazy stranger also known as the perfect weapon. That is seriously the definition they give in this film. With such low standards I am one drunken wandering away from becoming the perfect weapon.

The Perfect Weapon is a slight and sadly unambitious early nineties action flick. It has its moments but rarely rises above anything the genre has to offer. It drops an interesting and often used sub-plot (the real villain manipulating the hero to take out his competition) almost as soon as it introduces it and under utilizes the impressive (by early nineties white karate guy action movie standards) cast.

There is some awesomeness on display (opening credits, James Hong, killer head-butts, Jeff’s ever present five o’clock shadow) and some oddness (tension at the bank drive up window, karate fighting in tight jeans, killer head-butts) but it’s not enough to make it above average. Give it a watch but bring along some beer and a few like-minded individuals.

Olive Films released The Perfect Weapon on Blu-ray earlier this year. Olive Films also released The Boogens on Blu-ray. Olive Films forever has my gratitude.