House at the Edge of the Woods (2025) (USA)

⭐️⭐️⭐️1/2

A documentary crew is brought to an isolated home when the unstable man living there begins to experience strange things. He shares footage with the crew of his dad wandering out into the woods in the direction of bright lights, never to be seen again. The crew is there to document and get to the bottom of what strangeness is going on. It would seem there is something supernatural inhabiting the surrounding woods and you better believe the team of filmmakers are going to have to journey deep into the unknown to get any answers. The homeowner shares that things got disturbing with his son after grandpa vanished and a government agency started poking around. One hell of an obnoxious cameraman is also the main character, so he haunts the runtime with his tucked-in shirt and novice rockabilly sideburns. I may be overdramatic there. He’s not unbearable and surprisingly ends up being kinda likable when the shit hits the fan… a complete reverse on the usual character flaws of the found footage obnoxious cameraman. Actually, the quartet are all pretty damn likable and the young man who owns the property may give off Charles Fleischer in Zodiac vibes but I still didn’t mind him and he’s supposed to be suspicious enough to keep ya on your toes. The paranormal tomfoolery festering in the darkness is interesting and well-crafted considering the tight budget our filmmakers were working with. The desperation of the team’s leader inspires some dangerous decisions but at least the motivation makes sense. I’m a sucker for high strangeness and this is some fine high strangeness that just lets itself sink into the weirdness of all of it. Of course, I don’t think your found footage film should have a score if it’s not wrapped up in a mockumentary package but whatever, it admittedly elevates the climax.

The Third Shift a Paranormal Horror Story (2026) (UK)

⭐️1/2

Gloucester prison is reportedly one of the most paranormal locations in all of the United Kingdom. It’s easy to make this claim when there’s no scientific basis for anything except the self-fulfilling pseudo-science being used but I digress. A team of five paranormal investigators descend upon the haunted hotspot unaccompanied and, as paranormal investigators exploring the confines of a super haunted location are want to do, vanish without a trace. Well, there’s a trace and it’s this footage. Opening credits immediately tell you to do some stretching if you want to buy this as actual found footage and the footage of some guy watching a news report as electronic disruption happens pretty much takes that suspension of disbelief out back and fires a bullet into its head. Rambling introductions from the very British team let us know who we’ll be following around and the team reveals they landed on this location after reading favorable Google reviews. I found that hilarious. We spend time wandering around with the group as they make small talk and hear noises. So, the banality of ghost hunting is presented for you… the viewer at home. It seems that a team of ghost hunters shot uninteresting footage at an abandoned prison, realized there was no value to it and then decided to make the trip worth their time by attaching a bullshit psychopath plot to the proceedings in a desperate attempt to salvage a found footage horror flick out of it. The problem with building your half-baked story around meandering footage of walking around in the dark is that the meat of your adventure offers no real thrills… unless a moving ball gets your heart racing and loud bangs give you goosebumps because the laughing lunatic that eventually shows up just feels like it was shoehorned in for no good reason. If so, man it must be nice to be that easily amused. Good for you. I’m a little jealous. You will see a stainless steel colander used as a helmet for an electric chair, a group of paranormal enthusiasts attempt to act and a discount Halloween shop mask as a signature look. So, in the end this is either a really stupid ghost hunt or a really pathetic movie. Either way, the I’m the sucker who watched the whole damn thing.

Deer Woman (2005) (USA/Canada)

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

A string of murders has a detective tracking down a Native American legend in this Landis family (directed by John and written by he and Max) outing for the Masters of Horror series. A truck driver is trampled to death is his own tractor with witnesses claiming he was last seen in the company of a gorgeous woman. More bodies pop up showing similar destruction and the only lead our detective (assigned exclusively to animal attacks) has is stories about a beautiful woman with deer hooves who murders the targets of her seduction. Hey. A lead is a lead. Even if it makes about as much sense as the gorgeous Cinthia Moura coming onto your standard quality over the road truck driver. An interesting story shoots some much-needed energy into this middling series with fleshed out characters, a nice streak of humor and a folkloric hook that makes me very happy. The mental crime reenactment scene is a standout, I’m always happy to see Alex Zahara (Psych and Supernatural alum), the awkward new partnership our hero shares with a slightly awkward officer (Anthony Griffith) is charming and the movie exists in the same universe as Landis’ most famous horror flick. “Be a lot easier to think of this objectively if it wasn’t so damn stupid.”

Homecoming (2005) (USA/Canada)

⭐️⭐️1/2

Joe Dante gets a little ham-fisted in his outing for the Masters of Horror series when he puts his directorial hand to a short story from Dale Bailey about warmongering political bullshit and the lives it costs. During the re-election season, hotshot White House spin doctor David Murch mentions on a tv morning show how he wishes those soldiers killed in the ongoing conflict supported by the president could come back and vote for the man he’s attempting to get in for another term. Soon after, the president uses this statement in a speech and the old “be careful what you wish for” term comes into play. The soldiers that made the ultimate sacrifice have risen from their graves and they would like to be heard. This is bad news for the politician and his team seeking four more years. Consequences finally come to those gasbags in power but can even the dead Americans who died for this country actually make any kind of change when the deck is stacked in the favor of the politicians? A zombie film that ain’t exactly a zombie film which is kind of what you need your zombie film to be if you want to catch my attention. Dante shows that he still knows how to have some fun, even if the whole thing is bit too on the nose. That’s just my taste and I fully acknowledge politics and horror have been working in unison for as long as the genre has existed. It’s corny but it’s just on the right side of watchable. Robert Picardo steals the show to the surprise of nobody as the president’s morally corrupt advisor.

Creature of Destruction (1968) (USA)

⭐️⭐️

The best part of 1956’s The She Creature was its impressive monster costume. So naturally that’s the one thing we don’t get in this cheapjack remake because ain’t no way anyone behind this had that kind of money. A hypnotist successfully predicts death for folks and he’s able to do so by controlling a prehistoric sea monster that his assistant happened to be in a past life. With proper predictions proving his power, Dr. John Basso is looking to finally taste the fame and celebrity that only the best of stage hypnotists can achieve. The shoddy monster does away with the Carradine wannabe’s targets and the squarest band to ever play music at a beach resort performs. The beachfront resort owner laughs off Basso’s claims of a prehistoric beast taking lives but his daughter’s psychologist and psychic researching boyfriend (for the army?) has a far more open mind. On regular life, I would say being skeptical about the mesmerists claims of a killer monster is the smart course of action… but this is an American International production. A police lieutenant is snooping around and doing very little to prevent the deaths of others. Basso’s assistant hates his ass with good cause and it’s obviously going to end up costing the scumbag. There’s also money to be made in the success of Basso and this has the resort owner seeing dollar signs. He want’s his daughter’s husband-to-be to get in on the action with him but the man has morals. Long stretches of dialogue pollute the runtime as points of interest are left to be explained by folks that look like they belong in a black and white photo of the people who founded the company your dad worked at. Les Tremayne is wonderful hamming it up as the hypnotist with delusions of grandeur and the ability to sometimes be a real catty bitch. There’s a slight charm to it that smells like lukewarm Hamm’s and a rumpus room carpet stained with decades of cigarette smoke. That will only get you so far and if you’re even the slightest bit tired, you’ll probably nod off.

Chocolate (2005) (USA/Canada)

⭐️⭐️⭐️

Mick Garris works from a Mick Garris script and has me worrying that this can only be about as good as you could expect from anything Mick Garris has done. It’s the fifth episode of the series he birthed and it stars Henry Thomas as a divorced, depressed and dieting Chicago food lab employee, working on artificial flavor development. After waking up with the taste of a very particular chocolate in his mouth, he realizes he has inexplicably become psychically connected to a beautiful stranger. This allows him to see what she sees, hear what she hears and feel what she feels. He manages to fall in love with the stranger but is shaken when violent images begin to creep into the psychic scenes he’s been receiving. Once the transmissions come to a sudden halt, he decides to track down the woman but there’s a reason for those violent flashes and it’s going to bite our well-meaning (naive) boy in his white pasty ass. Matt Frewer brings his usual solid work as our protagonist’s lovable lab partner and Henry Thomas could play likable/kinda-creepy sad sack in his sleep. If you had told me Mick Garris would be the “master” behind my favorite outing up to this point, I would have called you a fucking liar and laughed in your lovely face. Somehow, he gives the story plenty of breathing room and as much as it feels like a throwaway episode of Tales From the Crypt in its predictably, the top notch cast pulls it above the mundane and makes for one solid time with the right notes of dark humor. Hats off to ya, Mr. Garris.

Jenifer (2005) (USA/Canada)

⭐️⭐️1/2

Argento is up to bat in the fourth episode from the Masters of Horror series working from a short story by Bruce Jones which appeared in Creepy. Actor Steven Weber tackled the teleplay and stars as detective Frank Spivey. Parked for lunch with his partner, he’s put in the position to save the life of a hot-bodied but severely disfigured woman from the clutches of a seemingly psychopathic homeless man with a cleaver Sympathizing with the woman, Jenifer, he rescues her from the insane asylum where she’s been placed and brings her home. His wife ain’t all that happy about it (rightfully so) and his teenage son is his usual level of indifferent. Frank seems like a putz anyways. Frank’s lustful attraction to her has him slipping into obsession while Jenifer shows she has some disturbing urges. I mean, he watches on as his family leaves following Jenifer’s eating of the family cat. Everything goes to shit soon after when a neighborhood child gets eaten and Frank attempts to plot Jenifer’s kidnapping with the help of a shady carnival owner. The scheme doesn’t work and Frank’s sanity slips further into troublesome waters. Because he’s a dope with a deteriorating common sense, he journeys out to an isolated cabin with the dangerous woman to keep the public safe. Nudity and violence abound as Argento injects some sleazy life into the series with his outing about the ultimate dangers of being a scumbag and falling for the “butter face” from Hell. It’s dumb as fuck and handled with a somber seriousness that makes it feel more clueless than it actually is. The best this series has to offer so far but just barely and that’s not really saying much.