⭐️⭐️⭐️1/2
A grumpy old lighthouse keeper is also keeping a dangerous secret in a small town on the California coast. A local legend proves to be more than just folklore when a hungry and pissed-off monster begins ripping the heads off poor saps. The lighthouse keeper’s daughter (sexy Jeanne Carmen) catches the creature’s eye and her father and scientist boyfriend (Don Sullivan, the same man who sang his heart out in The Giant Gila Monster) attempt to protect her. Primo B-movie bliss features some G-rated skinny dipping, plentiful coffee drinking, a blabbermouth named Kochek whose grocery store also serves as the town morgue, a gory severed head and a glorious low-budget beast (with the same hands as The Mole People) that we have to wait for the climax to feast our eyes upon. Perfect lazy day monster flick.
aka Island of Beasts
⭐️⭐️
A group of activists search for a research facility, looking to expose the military experiments taking place on a large island. They charter a boat captained by the always welcome Michael Paré and set out to get proof of abusive animal testing, code named Project: Carnivore. They come across the facility (a rather pleasant mansion) and find the place deserted. A lone survivor tells them they need to get the hell off of the island and it’s right about then a colossal cobra attacks. It appears the scientists had a benevolent cause to solve world hunger but the damn military got involved and now there’s giant cobras and some monstrous Komodo dragons running around the island. Of course, the military decides the only way to proceed is to blow the island off the map and call it a day. The survivors get whittled down as they attempt to escape the island and there’s more than a few flashbacks to beef up the body count. Piss-poor cgi (the usual) is not helped by the sense of lethargy plaguing the film. Hey, at least everyone got a Hawaiian vacation out of it.
aka The Jersey Devil Project
⭐️⭐️1/2
“Documentary” looking into the murders of a local TV show crew in the infamous Pine Barrens. The cult show “Fact or Fiction” heads out into the Barrens hunting the legendary Jersey Devil and never return. The lone survivor, a mentally unstable psychic, is charged with murder when two bodies are found. Filmmaker David Leigh decides to make a film about the murders and comes across evidence that may point in the direction of some other culprit. Low-budget early entry into the found footage subgenre is expertly pieced together and remains plausible throughout. Sadly it falls apart in its ending and pretty much ruins all the hard work that came before. It’s an ok flick with an excellent build but that ending just sucks the life out of it and some god-awful acting doesn’t help matters.
aka Phantom Monster/The Phantom Killer/Murder by the Stars
⭐️⭐️⭐️
Bela Lugosi is Dr. Charles Kessler, he lives with his daughter Virginia in their creaky old house and spends a lot of time pining over his absent wife. Once a year on their anniversary, he still treats it like she’s there, greeting and complimenting an empty chair and even going so far as to have his servants wait on her. Virginia’s fiancé Ralph visits unannounced (against her wishes) and catches the odd scene of her dad rambling to his invisible wife during dinner. Virginia lets him know that her mom ran off and hasn’t been heard from since. There’s also murmurs of unsolved murders. We quickly learn that the missing Mrs. Kessler is being hidden in a secret room underneath a shed on the property. She suffered a neurological disorder following a car accident (whilst escaping with her lover) and the gardener is secretly nursing her back to health before showing the doctor she’s still around. Ok. Sure. The doctor sees his wife outside of his window (she wandered out of her room) and it seems to cause a mental break in Lugosi, throwing him into a fugue state. That night, the obsessive new maid (Ralph’s ex, who took the job to put a halt to the impending nuptials) is murdered at the hands of the seemingly hypnotized Lugosi. The blame falls on Ralph because there’s a motive, an incriminating note and there’s no way it could be the well-respected doctor who has people dropping dead on his property. Ralph gets executed *checks notes*… holy shit… Ralph gets executed and his twin brother Paul shows up at the house to look into his brother’s death. He was never mentioned to the Kesslers and out of the country while everything was going to hell. You can tell he’s different than Ralph because his hair is better kept. The mental missus keeps sending Lugosi into a murderous funk when he catches her walking the grounds and that means death by night-coat for a few poor schmucks. Simple stuff from a simpler time. It’s the usual level of budget-conscious hijinks from a Katzman/Mayer production and Lugosi perfectly hams it up like you’d expect him to. Nothing wrong with that at all. No idea where the film title came from, as there are no ghosts and nobody is invisible, perhaps it’s a metaphor for mental anguish… Nah.
aka Destruction: Las Vegas/Blowing Vegas Off the Map
⭐️⭐️⭐️
A spring break in Vegas for a group of fraternity knuckleheads leads to massive devastation when one dink steals the sword of Thutmose III, conveniently on display at a casino, and unleashes one hell of a curse. Frankie Muniz is the nerdy frat boy (dad was a founder and they needed a designated driver) who may just be the hero the world needs and a convenient treasure hunt may be the only thing that can stop the serpent-headed force of destruction tearing apart Sin City. He gets a little motivation thanks to the girl he just met (she’s obviously “the one”) being trapped outside in the shit-storm. Barry Bostwick plays a washed-up and charming lounge singer who lends a helping hand to our hero and his reluctant “friends”. Joe Dante and John Landis show up as two thieves who end up on the wrong side of the sword’s curse. We also get lame jokes, Elvis impersonators, a stalking tiger and a giant serpent-sandstorm brought to life by less-than-stellar digital effects. Is it dumb? Oh gawd yes! Is it fun? You bet your ass it is!
aka Ghost Soldier
⭐️⭐️
The horny ghost of a dead American soldier sets his paranormal sights on a trio of fun-loving girls chillin’ at an isolated country home. The ghost may or may not actually be there as the girls seem to be slipping into stupidity and may just be horny weirdos. There’s a bunch of nudity and even more awkwardness as the trio of young ladies try dealing with their possible supernatural intruder all on their lonesome. The heavy-breathing entity keeps doing what he’s doing and we’re looking through his eyes whenever he’s wandering around and getting his grope on. A champagne bottle is forcefully inserted, a woman is stripped with a straight razor, the girls choose violence when their caretaker attempts to get them to leave and the only likable character is a dog. It’s got atmosphere, a cool score and an undercurrent of sleaze but it lacks coherence or sympathetic characters, so it becomes a bit of a chore. It may be an original way to present a young woman’s sexual awakening and trauma but that doesn’t necessarily make it worthwhile. A letdown from the same troubled brain that blessed us with The Revenge of the Living Dead Girls.
⭐️⭐️⭐️
What in the seven fucks just happened?! Incredibly weird fantasy flick feels like a really bad fever dream, constantly shifting between irritation and insanity. Badass opening credits fill us in on just how these ladies came to be. Apparently a mama snake laid sixteen eggs and three of them were abnormally large. Out of these large eggs hatched three women. Now these g-string clad sisters live on an island paradise unspoiled by the hands of man. They spend most of their time giggling, frolicking, hunting and abusing cute little monkeys. Their heavenly existence is disturbed when the trio get hit with their period at the same time. Sensibly terrified, they worriedly call upon their father for help. The giant human-headed snake (and thanks to budgetary issues he just comes off as a giant floating noggin) reassures them that there is nothing to fear and the sisters are now entering a time of freedom. This leads to the sisters leaving the island on a makeshift sailboat and eventually coming across a male castaway adrift in the ocean. They bring him back to the island and treat him with caution. They should have just left him to die. He awakens and eventually regains his strength. This leads to rape with the added awfulness of turning the girls into snakes. Murdered animals, a rapist hero and the constant screeching of the sisters causes quite a bit of nausea... but the kind of nausea one comes to expect from this vintage of Filipino exploitation. Seriously all over the place with a climax that features a chattering monkey tribe (well humans with simian like screams) and a group whipping. Sure. Whatever. Disappearing subtitles add to the hallucinogenic feel and you can smell the mold clinging to the film. You should probably check it out.
