Death of a Vlogger (2019) (UK)

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️1/2

Spooky mockumentary follows a vlogger by the name of Graham who catches some paranormal shenanigans during a livestream. His friend Erin convinces him to do some investigating and they bring in a pompous YouTube ghost hunter to assist. Talking head interviews beef up the back story and piece together the factors behind the constant recordings. A debunking journalist sets her sights on proving that Graham and his friends are manipulating their audience. There’s a few well-placed twists along the way and the cast aces it in every role. Some nice jumps hit the sweet spot and the opening credits drop is friggin’ stellar. Great all around. I shan’t spoil anymore.

Godzilla Raids Again (1955) (Japan)

aka The Return of Godzilla/Gigantis the Fire Monster/Godzilla Counter Attack 

⭐️⭐️1/2

So-so follow up to TOHO’s groundbreaking original finds another Godzilla rumbling with an ankylosaur named Anguirus which was awoken by the same H-Bomb tests. Two pilots stumble upon the creatures locked in combat on a deserted island and immediately warn the authorities of the possible danger. Professor Yamane returns to tell everyone how screwed they are but offers a little hope with his idea to distract the big green badass with flares and lead him away from the city. It looks to be working but some fugitives and a police chase leads to a horrific car crash and a big explosion... guess who sees the light. The destruction of Osaka soon follows as Godzilla makes landfall and Anguirus arrives soon after to continue their beef. There’s some fun monster hijinks and a great jet attack finale but so much time is spent on human drama (which can’t hold a candle to the original’s downbeat script) that any forward momentum is sunk like a freighter ship in the vicinity of Godzilla.

Graduation Day (1981) (USA)

⭐️⭐️⭐️

A teenage track runner drops dead from a heart attack after finishing a 30-second 200-meter race. Not long after, a killer rocking the unlikely combo of a sweat suit and fencing mask starts picking off the dead girl’s teammates. Suspects include but are not limited to the girl’s older sister Anne who has just arrived into town for her sibling’s graduation memorial, Coach George Michaels (heh) who is portrayed by Christopher George so I understand why the finger of blame is pointed his way, the creepy principal who is portrayed by Michael Pataki who is more suspicious than even Christopher George and the dead runner’s boyfriend Kevin who just looks like he’s up to something thanks to his budget Andy Robinson aura. Well, folks are gonna have to figure out the who and why because they’re dropping faster than the thigh-revealing track shorts of the horny, elderly teens. The gloved-hand of the killer marking their faces off with red lipstick. Lack of splatter is made up for by some butt-rock tunes, scummy dopes aplenty (the dead girl’s crabby and abusive stepfather is a cranky standout) and that early 80’s vibe you just can’t replicate. It’s a mostly minimal slasher flick saved by a wonderful cast of awful humans and a splendidly nuts closing act.

Dead Silence (2007) (USA)

aka The Doll/Shhhh.../Mary Shaw

⭐️⭐️⭐️1/2

A little small town lore about a ventriloquist named Mary Shaw and her child-killing shenanigans sets the atmosphere for this flawed but unabashedly fun supernatural yarn from the team that birthed Saw. Local boy, Jamie Ashen, is forced to confront old demons after his wife is brutally murdered following the arrival of one of Shaw’s creepy-ass dummies to their apartment. He heads home for her funeral and, on top of dealing with a detective who likes him for the murder (a fuckin’ game Donnie Wahlberg) and the rocky relationship with his estranged father, he starts digging into the town’s twisted past... eventually encountering the evil spirit responsible for offing his wife. Seems Mary Shaw got her ass murdered after a heckling kid vanished and from that point on various town folk have been found posed for family photos with their tongues ripped out. Some creepy-ass scenes play out in all their spooky glory, the multi-tongued Mary Shaw is one hell of a cool phantom and Shaw’s waterlogged theater is a brilliant nightmare set piece. The lead is a bit flat and the muted colors bath everything in an annoying blue but it’s just minor issues in an otherwise enjoyable spook show.

Severance Mountain (2024) (USA)

⭐️⭐️⭐️

There’s nastiness afoot deep in Adirondack Mountains and two former freinds with a shared loss may be running into it soon. Toby and Sarah are attempting to reconnect following the death of Toby’s girlfriend through camping (no, I don’t get it either) but something is off and Sarah picks up on the unsettling vibes. Toby leads them off trail because he’s one of those “ADVENTURE IS WHAT MATTERS!” dopes. A local police sergeant also has a bad feeling gnawing away at her and thinks there’s some horrible shit going down in the beautiful forest. Coming across a long-dead corpse and a disturbing collection of discarded shoes will shake anyone. Her superiors don’t think it’s any reason to close down the trails and believe she’s just blowing things out of proportion. The pre-credits let us know that some lunatic is definitely out there torturing and murdering people. The two dopes get on each other’s nerves immediately and the psychopath roaming the forest kills random folks and has unconvincing but hilarious flashbacks to past trauma. Not that it matters because the two campers resort to physical violence against each other within a day. In fact, Toby reveals he killed his girlfriend and starts hunting Sarah. Sarah gets stabbed and manages to escape right into the hunting grounds of the local serial killer. Let’s hope Sarge can save her in time as she begins to look into things and comes across an abandoned car with her green, mustachioed partner. Or not. I really don’t care if any of these idiots survive. Performances range somewhere from high school theater kids to an alien that thinks it knows what human emotion is thanks to soap opera reruns. That’s at least somewhat funny and enjoyable. There’s also awkward banter that is far removed from feeling natural. It’s mean-spirited, kind of boring and undeniably amateur. Having said that, some of the violence is my kind of backyard splatter and Jon Turner has a fucking blast as the mountain-dwelling psychopath, relishing every moment of screen time he is blessed with. If you can get past the self-seriousness it wears like a pretentious coat made of very wet dog hair, you’ll find the kind of homemade grunginess and inanity us SOV lovers get entranced by. Even if it’s only in spirit, as it’s way too professionally shot to hit the all-important style of those basement wonders. So, an SOV splatter flick without the analogue aesthetic… I’m somewhere in a limbo here where I can appreciate its value and even begrudgingly love it in secret but can’t really recommend it. Take that as you will. Then that closing song plays over the final scene. Ya know what? Fuck it. Its heart is in the right place, I’m taking it out to dinner.

Road Train (2010) (Australia)

aka Road Kill

⭐️⭐️

Camping in the Australian Outback is dangerous enough without violent Aussies and/or supernaturally evil semi trucks on steroids boosting up the danger factor. Unfortunate for a quartet of camping teenagers that they have such rotten luck. A semi (or road train as I guess the Aussies know them as) crashes into the driving kids (there’s a whole to-do involving egos and asshole behavior), leaving them injured but alive (driver Craig has a broken arm) and their car completely totaled. They head to the truck to find some help but discover it driverless, the missing driver (I think) opens fire on them and they decide they have no other choice but to jump in the truck and flee. They plan on driving the thing to the next town and getting the authorities involved. It’s a good plan but there is one hitch. That hitch is that this big-ass piece of machinery just so happens to be evil and able to possess the folks unfortunate enough to be around it. It causes them to detour into the middle of nowhere but unable to remember doing so and then, of course, refuses to start. Bitchy Liz gets even worse as shit hits the fan. Marcus lets his frustration increase his bad attitude. Craig acts like a dinner-theater-actor attempting to perform “off the deep end” and Nina, who is not part of the friend trio but brought along because she’s banging Craig, tries to figure out how to get them out of their current situation without being a complete asshole to the others. She’s the likable one. Her attempts at doing anything to help shows her that there is something very wrong with this vehicle. I don’t think trucks are supposed to be fueled by blood… but I’m not from Australia, so I’m not sure of the fuel situation there. As usual, we are left with one main question: “Why do attractive people congregate exclusively within groups that hate each other?” An evil automobile is my kind of entertainment, we just have the misfortune of being surrounded by unlikable dopes for the runtime. Piss is drunk, a less than impressive Cerberus cameos, piss is used as a defensive measure, Craig gets possessed, Marcus also gets possessed (but it’s way funnier than Craig) and what would have maybe made an enjoyable short film is stretched out to an ass-numbing length. Sophie Lowe (our hero Nina) is very likable and easy to root for which helps things along and the final act gets silly enough to force a grin on my stupid face. The film looks great, showing off a crisp eye towards the unfriendly environment and the truck is suitably monstrous working well to be a looming threat but unfortunately it doesn’t come to life and start killing morons… which is a huge oversight in my not-so-humble opinion.

Scarecrows (1988) (USA)

⭐️⭐️⭐️1/2

Commandos hijack a cargo plane and force the father and daughter pilot team to fly them to Mexico. One of the thieves try’s to take it all for himself and jumps from the plane with the 3.5 million dollar loot. His tossed grenade gets thrown out of the plane before any damage can be done, so his former partners go after him. The much larger problem is the patch of earth where he’s landed. It’s populated with creepy-ass scarecrows and they have one hell of a homicidal streak. Soon enough everyone is being picked off by the supernatural creeps, getting their limbs cut off and in some cases being gutted and stuffed with the stolen cash and straw. There’s no real explanation as to why these things are wandering around or why unexplainable oddness seems to be running rampant (the dead walk and talk, the scarecrows mimic the voices of victims) and the film benefits from the weirdness. Dragged down somewhat by the less than stellar acting and choppy structure, it still has enough going for it to make it recommended viewing.