⭐️⭐️⭐️1/2
Sometimes "little" films can really hit the spot. No frills, just a neat idea anchored by a capable cast and a talented creator. The Witch in the Window never feels extravagant and it's better off for it. Simon has just grabbed up his son from the overprotective (kinda) arms of his ex-wife. Not illegally or anything like that. His son, Finn, has done some browsing on the old interwebs in places where he probably shouldn't have been and mom found out. Now he's going with his papa to do some work on a lovely little farmhouse in Vermont. A little manual labor and some father-son bonding far away from the dangerous hustle and bustle of New York will hopefully do the curious little scamp some good. It probably would have worked to, but it looks like dad bought the wrong damn house. The first day at the house, Simon and Finn are informed by the electrician and closest neighbor about the house's troubled past. Apparently a creepy lady lived and died in the house. She supposedly murdered her husband and son and spent her days perched in a chair staring out the window, creeping the hell out of everyone. She died doing what she loved and the place has been a creepy small town legend ever since. Simon will also find out later from the same source that Lydia (said creep-ass) has a way of burrowing into the old brain and getting her manipulations on. Strange sounds and quick flashes of some creep work to convince the pair that there may be something to the spooky tales. As the work on the house continues, Lydia seems to gain power. This culminates in both father and son seeing her in her favorite spot. They freak the hell out (rightfully so) and flee the house. Sadly, Simon has a bit too much sunk into the place and may not be ready to let go of the property. Sending his son back home, he decides to brave it out and in finishing his restoration he just may figure out why Lydia is still wandering around her old digs. There are only a few chills found within The Witch in the Window but that is just fine. It's not really going for jump scares or anything along those lines. Its main focus lies in the relationship between father and son and luckily it has two strong enough actors to play that out successfully. Charlie Tacker as Finn never annoys and is rightfully curious in his twelve years of age. They grow up so fast nowadays. Alex Draper (from YellowBrickRoad) is perfect as Simon. He's a bit laidback but you can tell he really loves his son and is relishing the chance to bond. This flick would have failed miserably if their relationship didn't work. Writer/director Andy Mitton delivers an almost quaint spooker. Simple and lovely and sometimes that is just what the doctor ordered.
⭐️⭐️1/2
Thrill-seeking urban explorers tackle an abandoned hotel and livestream the excursion. Those all-important viewer numbers are a guarantee with New Jersey’s own Paragon Hotel having a rich history of ghosts to go along with mobster shenanigans. There’s a competing group of idiots on the grounds, lead by Henry Bowers from IT and counting a former member of the Creepers gang they gave the boot to for desecrating the hidden locations they hit. They are there hunting down a supposedly stashed millions of dollars and this past butt hurt has this group of dinks (who go by the name Scavengers and are colossally obnoxious) getting in the way of The Creepers adventure through the vast building and their psychotic leader (reminding me more than just a little of Stephen Geoffreys) has no issue murdering his competition. His name is Tod and he is cartoonish in his evil. Also joining our heroes is a super serious Vice reporter because I guess it’s a slow news year. He’s like a budget store Roy Kent, so he’s the most likable character in this. It’ll be explained later just why he is there. The past refuses to stay buried and the supernatural begins to throw a wrench in the plans of the youthful adrenaline junkies much to the relief of the audience at home. It’s kinda likable weenies fighting against completely unlikable dicks while up against whatever malicious entity is haunting the location that would be pretty impressive if it weren’t just a little too clean to be satisfactorily spooky. It’s a little silly, mostly stupid but also just a bit fun. The digital goober hunting the folks is up there with the Will Smith I Am Legend creeps and that’s not a good thing. Plenty wrong with it but not a complete waste.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
A 100-year-old tragedy due to some sinister plotting is revisited when an eerie fog brings along the murderous ghosts of the wronged crew of lepers. The coastal town of Antonio Bay is setting up for a big centennial celebration and the secret of the town elders has been discovered by an alcoholic priest (Hal Holbrook rocking a hair and mustache combo that made me say “Yes. This is how I want to look when I am a grownup.” a handful of decades ago) when a wave of paranormal activity leads to him finding a hidden journal and uncovering a horrible shame. Bodies start to drop as the spirits travel within the slowly spreading fog and the unsuspecting townies begin to pay for the crimes of the forefathers during the hour period f the r he eat betrayal. In a rather ingenious move, John Carpenter manages to deliver an info dump necessary to all that is coming after by relying on powerhouse thespian John Houseman. Naturally, delivering the backstory over a burning fire to a group of spooked kiddos right as midnight approaches. Boom! You don’t even realize you’ve been spoon-fed exposition… ya just got Houseman’d! Caught in the middle of this spooky bullshit is local everyman Tom Atkins, cute hitchhiker Jamie Lee Curtis, smoke-show radio DJ Adrienne Barbeau (transmitting from the fucking lighthouse which makes it easy to monitor what that pesky fog is up to), centennial celebration organizer Janet fuckin’ Leigh and her charmingly sarcastic assistant Nancy Kyes. Dream team. We also get some small roles for Charles Cyphers and George “Buck” Flower. Carpenter’s fourth horror feature (yes, I do count Assault on Precent 13 and the TV movie Someone’s Watching Me) is one hell of a ghost story supported by an impressive cast of genre greats and another moody score from the man himself.
aka Hellraiser 2
⭐️⭐️⭐️1/2
As to be expected, following the events of the prior film, Kirsty (a returning Ashley Laurence) wakes from unconsciousness and finds herself institutionalized at the Channard Psychiatric Institute. The police may not believe her stories of demonic entities and dangerous puzzle boxes granting access to another realm but it certainly catches the interest of Dr. Channard himself (Kenneth Cranham who understands the assignment and reminds me more than a little of Edmund Purdom), as he has a deep fascination with the occult and what some may call an obsession with the “Box of Sorrows”. This dude has been tracking down a doorway to Hell for a very long time. He gets his hand on the mattress where Kirsty’s stepmother bled out and manages to pull the same stunt the woman pulled on her lover the last time out. With Julia (you better believe Clare Higgins is back and better than ever) returned via a gruesome scene that has stuck with me since my first viewing somewhere around seventh grade, the doctor and she manage to get up to plenty of no good. Kirsty has visions of her father suffering in Hell and she is soon placed in the unenviable position of following the lunatic doctor into the underworld and freeing the soul of her unfairly tormented papa. A young doctor witnesses the madness Channard is unleashing and decides to help, a puzzle-solving young mute wanders deep into the abyss after calling forth those leather-clad Cenobites and Channard seeks power that’s probably going to end up fucking him right in the butt. Theres some wonderful bizarre bits sprinkled throughout, a brief glimpse at Pinhead’s origin, a few well-executed twists and Clare Higgins even more seductive and dangerous this time around. There’s an abuse of old footage (from both Hellraiser and earlier in its own runtime) which always feels like a cheat, the last act is a bit silly, some of the special effects leave a bit to be desired and the script runs into sloppiness thanks to feeling like it may have come out of the oven a bit too soon. Still, a worthy direct follow-up.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Clive Barker’s solid novella, The Hellbound Heart, gets adapted for the big screen by the man himself and manages to birth a horror icon along with an intriguing horror flick. Deviant tastes has led Frank Cotton to a puzzle box said to open a rift to a realm of unfathomable pleasures, heralded by demonic beings named The Cenobites. A common theme in Barker’s work is the ever diminishing lines between sex, pain and the darkness breeding within all of it. Well, turns out these creatures find the root of pleasure in the sensory overload that only torture can bring. And since there’s no real distinction between pleasure and pain to these things, flesh and bone take substantial damage. Naturally, this leaves Frank a splattered mess on the floor of an attic room at the old Cotton family home. Soon after his icky ending, Larry Cotton (Andrew Robinson) moves into the house with his second wife Julia (Clare Higgins) and his daughter from his first marriage, Kirsty (Ashley Laurence, impressively holding her own), moves into a room nearby. At some point, Julia and Frank had a steamy affair and Julia has not forgotten the time spent with hedonistic scoundrel. She fondly recalls their tryst as they go through all the scuzzy garbage Frank left in the house while he was laying low and experimenting with the puzzle box. This is good news for Frank, who may be a stain under the floorboards, but is still clinging onto existence between the here and now and the endless torments of whatever Hell awaits. When spilled blood manages to bring form to his presence, he’s able to manipulate the obviously unhappy and unfulfilled Julia into helping him reform to a more suitable state. This help requires some sacrifices of the human life variety. So, scheming is in order and lives are in danger as Frank works his way back into completeness but hanging around just outside of the main plot are those horrifying entities ushering in a world of pleasure through pain… who ain’t at all happy that someone who called them forth managed to escape their hooks. Kirsty begins picking up on some bad vibrations and believes that there is some nasty shit in the works. She stumbles into trouble when she drops by the house unannounced, thinking she’s caught her stepmother being unfaithful, it ends up being that but so much worse. Yet, she does manage to get her hands on that damn box. Doug Bradley is memorable for the limited time he’s on screen (not yet given the name Pinhead) but it’s truly Clare Higgins who steals this movie as Julia, bringing an odd seductiveness to her character and believably juggling the act of the manipulated becoming the manipulator. Barker’s medium as writer definitely shows in some performance awkwardness and cinematic pacing issues but everything else is firing on all cylinders, so it’s very easy to overlook. The effects work falters in spots (that final struggle over the box still makes me chuckle) but even remotely bringing Barker’s dark and sometimes insane visions to life is still rather remarkable when it comes right down to it.
aka Demon Within/The Tasty Flesh
⭐️⭐️⭐️
Investigating a supposed ghost sighting in the woods, a reporter gets infected with a demonic entity when it worms its way into his ear. He comes home to his wife with a large appetite (including raw meat) and some gross facial sores. A caped-man wearing a black mask stalks around, carrying a birdcage, and the reporter’s wife begins to worry about her husband. Her fears prove to be well-founded when he orally gives birth to a demon-puppet-thing which wrecks havoc on the house and terrorizes the poor woman. She fights for her life as the husband discovers the facts about the monster from the black-masked man (a survivor of the same experience, now horribly scarred) and the awful future that awaits. Goofy-ass movie features some hilarious monster work and hardly sticks around long enough to offend. Brings some bat-shit glory but also drags in some parts. My copy was in Japanese with French subtitles, so I was fucked on following along twice!
⭐️⭐️⭐️1/2
Michael rocks some badass dinosaur pajamas that he’s probably a bit too old for and also frees an evil spirit from an Ouija Board his dickhead buddy Tony gifts him on his 18th birthday. Mikey ain’t too comfortable with the supernatural gift but his friends and the cute new girl at school, Alex, convince him to give it a whirl. Michael has a history with the board and more importantly with the spirit guide Virgil he and Tony have communicated with before. This entity is one evil piece of crap and Mikey doesn’t want to risk bringing him back into his life… let’s see how that goes. The next day Michael has a way better experience when tardy hijinks lead to a first date with the unibrowed and lovely Alex. After dropping her off and getting a smooch, he stops by Tony’s place. The now sober Tony apologizes for his behavior and reiterates how serious he knows Ouija board usage is. Unfortunately, it’s already too late and it looks like Virgil is making his way back into this realm. On top of Alex’s jealous friend Juan giving him the evils and Michael’s divorced mama hitting the bottle (dad moved them to Mexico from Beverly Hills and then nope’d the fuck out), our permed hero has to deal with a powerful and malevolent monster taking out his friends and classmates with a gnarly-looking dagger. Horrifying visions hit Mikey and he develops some crimson irises and blindness during the murders. Premonitions of death get the cops looking in Michael’s direction. I really don’t blame them, the idiot makes a big scene about a young nurse being in mortal danger and then when her corpse is found he flees the scene. The dead nurse’s brother (it’s that ass-clown Juan) grabs a shotgun, kidnaps Michael and goes looking for his sibling’s killer. Yeah there’s some lulls, most of the murders are treated as afterthoughts and we’re given one of the weeniest of heroes in horror history but there’s also those badass pajamas, an 18-year-old man throwing a temper tantrum in said pajamas, floating roses, death in tighty-whities, a ruined dinner party, a laughably lame villain and a charmingly silly climax.
