Monday, August 24, 2026
Aliens (1986) (USA)
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
James Cameron’s explosive sequel drops the atmosphere and turns up the action well past eleven. Ripley is back (rescued from cryo-freeze after 57 years) and she accompanies a team of colonial marines to the now colonized moon the Nostromo visited all them years ago. Contact has been lost and the machine gun toting soldiers are about to come face to teeth with a whole batch of the nightmarish xenomorphs. Ripley drops the perfectly human character of the original to become an ass-kicking surrogate mother with the discovery of the colonies sole survivor, a young girl who has managed to hide from the efficient killers. Another amazing cast (Bill Paxton, Lance Henriksen, Jenette Goldstein, Michael Biehn and Paul Reiser) accompanies a break neck pace for a completely different and perfect sequel.
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) (USA)
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Grave desecrations in rural Texas has Sally Hardesty and her wheelchair-bound brother Franklin checking to make sure their grandfather’s final resting place is undisturbed. Along for the trip are a trio of friends who definitely belong to the decade. Content that the grave is fine, the group head on out in their van and come across a hitchhiker. Much like any hitchhiker on the backroads of Texas, this one is a former employee at the local slaughterhouse and is a few cards short of a full deck. Discomfort with the mental state of their guest (cutting yourself and talking about slaughtering livestock never really warms up strangers to your presence, trust me) eventually leads to Franklin getting his arm sliced by the lunatic before they throw him out of their van. After they calm down and attempt to fill their tank at the local gas station/barbecue, the owner lets them know that there’s no gas available and their won’t be until the transport truck arrives tomorrow. Without much of an option, the gang travel over to the old family home and camp there for the night. Even if it weren’t a legendary genre flick, I’m pretty sure you would be able to figure out where this is going. Turns out the dilapidated Hardesty home has some neighbors and one of those neighbors is a very big man who wears a mask made from human skin. Leatherface (aptly named) and his kin manage to cut down the ranks of the interlopers until Sally is the last one standing… barely. It’s revealed what they are doing with the human meat they have and our traumatized hero is brought to one of the most horrifying dinners ever caught on camera. Hopefully she can somehow manage to escape before she feeds a clan of human-eating weirdos. You can feel the August heat through the opening stretch as our protagonists go about their business unaware of just how unfair and cruel the universe is about to be. One moment of curiosity leads to the revelation of what waits behind a metal door (still one of the best shock reveals in cinema) and then all Hell breaks loose. Using the horrific findings of Wisconsin’s Ed Gein as its inspiration and building an incredibly disturbing urban legend around it, all these years later and TCM still stands as one of the most intense horror films to ever do it… budget be damned! Tobe Hooper’s unrelenting masterpiece plays a brilliant trick upon its audience. A masterful blending of sound design and pacing is used to convince the viewer they have seen way more than they have. Let’s face it, the title alone has you preparing for the worst. It’s somehow a visceral film without really dwelling on any of the viscera. My first viewing, decades ago in an empty house well after bedtime, was sprinkled with constantly reminding myself to breathe while sitting on the edge of my seat. The message stands; in a callous and unconcerned universe, our egos mean nothing and we’re all just meat.
Grave desecrations in rural Texas has Sally Hardesty and her wheelchair-bound brother Franklin checking to make sure their grandfather’s final resting place is undisturbed. Along for the trip are a trio of friends who definitely belong to the decade. Content that the grave is fine, the group head on out in their van and come across a hitchhiker. Much like any hitchhiker on the backroads of Texas, this one is a former employee at the local slaughterhouse and is a few cards short of a full deck. Discomfort with the mental state of their guest (cutting yourself and talking about slaughtering livestock never really warms up strangers to your presence, trust me) eventually leads to Franklin getting his arm sliced by the lunatic before they throw him out of their van. After they calm down and attempt to fill their tank at the local gas station/barbecue, the owner lets them know that there’s no gas available and their won’t be until the transport truck arrives tomorrow. Without much of an option, the gang travel over to the old family home and camp there for the night. Even if it weren’t a legendary genre flick, I’m pretty sure you would be able to figure out where this is going. Turns out the dilapidated Hardesty home has some neighbors and one of those neighbors is a very big man who wears a mask made from human skin. Leatherface (aptly named) and his kin manage to cut down the ranks of the interlopers until Sally is the last one standing… barely. It’s revealed what they are doing with the human meat they have and our traumatized hero is brought to one of the most horrifying dinners ever caught on camera. Hopefully she can somehow manage to escape before she feeds a clan of human-eating weirdos. You can feel the August heat through the opening stretch as our protagonists go about their business unaware of just how unfair and cruel the universe is about to be. One moment of curiosity leads to the revelation of what waits behind a metal door (still one of the best shock reveals in cinema) and then all Hell breaks loose. Using the horrific findings of Wisconsin’s Ed Gein as its inspiration and building an incredibly disturbing urban legend around it, all these years later and TCM still stands as one of the most intense horror films to ever do it… budget be damned! Tobe Hooper’s unrelenting masterpiece plays a brilliant trick upon its audience. A masterful blending of sound design and pacing is used to convince the viewer they have seen way more than they have. Let’s face it, the title alone has you preparing for the worst. It’s somehow a visceral film without really dwelling on any of the viscera. My first viewing, decades ago in an empty house well after bedtime, was sprinkled with constantly reminding myself to breathe while sitting on the edge of my seat. The message stands; in a callous and unconcerned universe, our egos mean nothing and we’re all just meat.
The Stay Awake (1988) (South Africa)
⭐️⭐️⭐️1/2
In 1969, William John Brown is executed for the brutal murders and sexual assaults of nearly a dozen women in America. Regrettably, his lost soul isn’t put to rest and his demonic spirit comes back nearly two decades later to do what he loves doing so damn much. This is bad news for the current student body participating in an all-night lock-in at a Catholic girl’s school in Europe. The ghost arrives during an aerobics class run by some spoiled and bitchy student because of course it does. Interspersed between gyrations, we see some supernatural shenanigans that let us know this spirit has some power (tossed desks and dead birds). Their radio explodes and the girls are already getting freaked out. Sinister phantom laughter lets us know the supernatural had a hand in the property destruction. The only adults on the premises are the elderly caretaker and the science teacher chaperoning the thing named Ms. Walton. Ms. Walton heard some strange noises in her lab and asks the caretaker to have a look around. With his shotgun in tow, he locks up the gates at the secluded school. There’s also a handful of boys sneaking in for some late night grownup snuggles. Sinister electric organ music, creepy growls and a whole bunch of wandering fills up the early portion of the film. There’s also some movie watching and a volleyball game. The entity smells like puke (according to the caretaker) but he’s unable to ever wisen up anyone to the odor when the demon blows his heart out with his own shotgun. People wander off, get murdered and the demon is mostly kept as a POV threat (or bright light) making strange noises. Eventually the demon shows itself (either as a hilarious rat/cat puppet-thing with tentacles or the executed murderer with glowing eyes) and the girls admit to their chaperone that a boy was invited by one of their own. Disappearing girls lead to more murder and the realization that something is very wrong in the school halls (the giveaway is a severed head in a gorilla mask). This leads to a climax where the silly puppet-beast reveals itself as having the body of a man (it’s hilarious) and javelins are put to use. Cheap-ass hijinks litter the runtime and I’ll be damned if I’ll remember any of these characters in a couple hours but this flick is a god damn hoot and a half. Freaky audio design enhances the skid row aesthetic and time flies by while you watch bozos get themselves picked off by a supernatural boogeyman.
In 1969, William John Brown is executed for the brutal murders and sexual assaults of nearly a dozen women in America. Regrettably, his lost soul isn’t put to rest and his demonic spirit comes back nearly two decades later to do what he loves doing so damn much. This is bad news for the current student body participating in an all-night lock-in at a Catholic girl’s school in Europe. The ghost arrives during an aerobics class run by some spoiled and bitchy student because of course it does. Interspersed between gyrations, we see some supernatural shenanigans that let us know this spirit has some power (tossed desks and dead birds). Their radio explodes and the girls are already getting freaked out. Sinister phantom laughter lets us know the supernatural had a hand in the property destruction. The only adults on the premises are the elderly caretaker and the science teacher chaperoning the thing named Ms. Walton. Ms. Walton heard some strange noises in her lab and asks the caretaker to have a look around. With his shotgun in tow, he locks up the gates at the secluded school. There’s also a handful of boys sneaking in for some late night grownup snuggles. Sinister electric organ music, creepy growls and a whole bunch of wandering fills up the early portion of the film. There’s also some movie watching and a volleyball game. The entity smells like puke (according to the caretaker) but he’s unable to ever wisen up anyone to the odor when the demon blows his heart out with his own shotgun. People wander off, get murdered and the demon is mostly kept as a POV threat (or bright light) making strange noises. Eventually the demon shows itself (either as a hilarious rat/cat puppet-thing with tentacles or the executed murderer with glowing eyes) and the girls admit to their chaperone that a boy was invited by one of their own. Disappearing girls lead to more murder and the realization that something is very wrong in the school halls (the giveaway is a severed head in a gorilla mask). This leads to a climax where the silly puppet-beast reveals itself as having the body of a man (it’s hilarious) and javelins are put to use. Cheap-ass hijinks litter the runtime and I’ll be damned if I’ll remember any of these characters in a couple hours but this flick is a god damn hoot and a half. Freaky audio design enhances the skid row aesthetic and time flies by while you watch bozos get themselves picked off by a supernatural boogeyman.
Cannibal Island Ghosts (2015) (China)
aka Ghost
A group of sexy youngsters and one flabby bit of comic relief arrive on a deserted island after being texted by various loved ones to meet them there. The folks they’re expecting are nowhere to be found and all the inhabitants of the island (named Lost Souls Island) have vanished. There’s a woman there searching for her daughter and killer vines begin snatching up the idiots. The sole survivor of the island village shows up and lets the dopes still standing know what’s going on. Meteors hit the place and now the island is alive and full of demons. The demons cause illusions to lure victims into the belly of the island... or some shit like that. The villager ends up being a psychopath and our hero gets infected with the murder-vine. We get some ghosts and piss-poor special effects but that’s about it. No need to waste your time on this limp-ass flick.
⭐️1/2
A group of sexy youngsters and one flabby bit of comic relief arrive on a deserted island after being texted by various loved ones to meet them there. The folks they’re expecting are nowhere to be found and all the inhabitants of the island (named Lost Souls Island) have vanished. There’s a woman there searching for her daughter and killer vines begin snatching up the idiots. The sole survivor of the island village shows up and lets the dopes still standing know what’s going on. Meteors hit the place and now the island is alive and full of demons. The demons cause illusions to lure victims into the belly of the island... or some shit like that. The villager ends up being a psychopath and our hero gets infected with the murder-vine. We get some ghosts and piss-poor special effects but that’s about it. No need to waste your time on this limp-ass flick.
Sunday, August 23, 2026
The Blood Beast Terror (1968) (UK)
aka The Vampire Beast Craves Blood
⭐️⭐️⭐️
Delightfully daft British horror features a laughable and sadly little seen monster and Peter Cushing giving his all to a role that doesn’t deserve a third of his talent. A stuffy scientist dabbles in entomology and genetics and young men are paying with their lives. He’s created a gigantic death’s-head moth which can take the form of a beautiful young woman who poses as his daughter when she’s not draining horny young men of their blood. Peter Cushing is the police inspector slowly closing in on them. Wanda Ventham gives a lovely vampy performance as the sexy moth lady and fans of bullshit science should rejoice. The whole thing is a cheap looking affair but it’s got the right amount of insanity to make it work.
Within the Rock (1996) (USA/Canada)
aka Terror Moon/Spacegate/Spacetrek
Have you ever seen Armageddon? Of course you have, you’re well-versed in cinema. Now imagine if instead of running into human error and a tricky environment, our space miners woke up a hibernating monster that slaughtered them one by one. That would be a way better movie, right? Now here’s two other bits of fact about the flick that did what Armageddon was too chicken shit to do: (A) It came out two years before Armageddon so Michael Bay doesn’t even have one god damn excuse and (B) it stars Xander Berkeley and I’d take him over any jackass is Bay’s main cast (Sorry, Bruce. I love ya, but you’re only as good as the villains you go up against. That’s why nobody talks about Die Hard 2). Here, an alien moon is on a collision course with Earth which leads to Dr. Dana Shaw (Caroline Barclay) joining a team of specialized miners to attempt a course alteration. The greedy crew captain of the team is looking to get paid what he feels his team deserves (a fittingly surly, expectantly sleazy and wonderfully sarcastic Mr. Berkeley). Illegally collecting platinum whilst mining and a tight time table are pressure enough, but the release of a seemingly unstoppable alien creature makes everything a whole lot worse. When they blow a section of rock, they discover a secret chamber with what looks like the remains of a creature embedded in the cavern wall and a floor riddled with bones. More importantly for the captain are the walls covered in platinum paneling. Of course, those remains got a little life in them and atmospheric changes resurrects whatever the hell it is. It looks like the offspring of a crustacean-gargoyle who fucked a minotaur that was related to a cave troll. A likable cast of “Hey, oh. You! Where do I know you from?” celebrities and the budget-conscience spaceship sets that I’ve loved since the 1950s have me feeling nice and fuzzy in my tum-tum. It’s a B-movie creature feature just dropping about forty years later than expected and a little bloodier, that’s all good in my book.
⭐️⭐️⭐️1/2
Have you ever seen Armageddon? Of course you have, you’re well-versed in cinema. Now imagine if instead of running into human error and a tricky environment, our space miners woke up a hibernating monster that slaughtered them one by one. That would be a way better movie, right? Now here’s two other bits of fact about the flick that did what Armageddon was too chicken shit to do: (A) It came out two years before Armageddon so Michael Bay doesn’t even have one god damn excuse and (B) it stars Xander Berkeley and I’d take him over any jackass is Bay’s main cast (Sorry, Bruce. I love ya, but you’re only as good as the villains you go up against. That’s why nobody talks about Die Hard 2). Here, an alien moon is on a collision course with Earth which leads to Dr. Dana Shaw (Caroline Barclay) joining a team of specialized miners to attempt a course alteration. The greedy crew captain of the team is looking to get paid what he feels his team deserves (a fittingly surly, expectantly sleazy and wonderfully sarcastic Mr. Berkeley). Illegally collecting platinum whilst mining and a tight time table are pressure enough, but the release of a seemingly unstoppable alien creature makes everything a whole lot worse. When they blow a section of rock, they discover a secret chamber with what looks like the remains of a creature embedded in the cavern wall and a floor riddled with bones. More importantly for the captain are the walls covered in platinum paneling. Of course, those remains got a little life in them and atmospheric changes resurrects whatever the hell it is. It looks like the offspring of a crustacean-gargoyle who fucked a minotaur that was related to a cave troll. A likable cast of “Hey, oh. You! Where do I know you from?” celebrities and the budget-conscience spaceship sets that I’ve loved since the 1950s have me feeling nice and fuzzy in my tum-tum. It’s a B-movie creature feature just dropping about forty years later than expected and a little bloodier, that’s all good in my book.
Witch with Flying Head (1982) (Taiwan/Hong Kong)
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Available on the grey market for a long time without subtitles, King of the Witches finally answered the prayers of a few weirdos and released something any human not well-versed in Mandarin and Cantonese could follow... well, kind of. It’s still blissfully confusing and bat-shit crazy but now one can truly appreciate lines like “Suck it, monster!” and the maniacal use of sex poison. A powerful and evil sorcerer curses a beautiful young woman in hopes that she will marry him to lift the curse. She refuses and turns into a penanggalan (flying severed head trailed by its own organs which can shoot fire, lasers and mini exploding disco balls out of its mouth and sucks the blood of innocent people) every night. Instead of committing suicide (her initial response), her two loyal female servants take her out to the mountains to protect the populace from her nightly feedings and curb her guilt. While in seclusion, with the help of a benevolent wizard, they manage to aid her a little by making it so she only transforms once a month and can hold her in a blessed box for said transformation. They live like this for a while until the terrified Mr. Tang comes to their home. He has been marked for death by a snake witch and finds shelter with the cursed woman and her servants. After using the magic box to trap the snake witch and save Mr. Tang’s life, love blooms and is soon followed by marriage and a baby. Cruel fate brings back the snake witch and the evil sorcerer to their home and puts everyones life in danger. It all comes down to a beautifully absurd climax featuring lasers, orally projected centipedes, a flying snake chasing a flying head through the forest and axe violence. A masterpiece of insane cinema. A must see.
Available on the grey market for a long time without subtitles, King of the Witches finally answered the prayers of a few weirdos and released something any human not well-versed in Mandarin and Cantonese could follow... well, kind of. It’s still blissfully confusing and bat-shit crazy but now one can truly appreciate lines like “Suck it, monster!” and the maniacal use of sex poison. A powerful and evil sorcerer curses a beautiful young woman in hopes that she will marry him to lift the curse. She refuses and turns into a penanggalan (flying severed head trailed by its own organs which can shoot fire, lasers and mini exploding disco balls out of its mouth and sucks the blood of innocent people) every night. Instead of committing suicide (her initial response), her two loyal female servants take her out to the mountains to protect the populace from her nightly feedings and curb her guilt. While in seclusion, with the help of a benevolent wizard, they manage to aid her a little by making it so she only transforms once a month and can hold her in a blessed box for said transformation. They live like this for a while until the terrified Mr. Tang comes to their home. He has been marked for death by a snake witch and finds shelter with the cursed woman and her servants. After using the magic box to trap the snake witch and save Mr. Tang’s life, love blooms and is soon followed by marriage and a baby. Cruel fate brings back the snake witch and the evil sorcerer to their home and puts everyones life in danger. It all comes down to a beautifully absurd climax featuring lasers, orally projected centipedes, a flying snake chasing a flying head through the forest and axe violence. A masterpiece of insane cinema. A must see.
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