Any film that opens with a drum solo can't be all that bad. Any film that closes with a car exploding can't be all that bad. If the middle can hold its weight we may have a genuine classic on our hands. It comes close but sadly it is too accomplished for trash heaven status and too goofy to hit the horror classic mark. It's still worth your time.
Indeed
The drummer drumming his ass off is our protagonist Roberto. He's practicing with his band, rocking out and attempting to kill a fly without missing a beat. He's also being watched by a mustachioed man in sunglasses. Various cutaways show us that this man has been following him for a week or so. Practice ends and after he reassures his bandmate about being off ("We're so far out, whose gonna notice?") he realises Mr. Shady Mustache is still hanging around. He goes to confront the stalker and follows him into an empty theater. The confrontation leads to him accidentally killing the stalker and all of this has been photographed by some weirdo in a super creepy mask.
No Thank You
Roberto begins to receive vague threats from our creepy photographer. These vague threats soon escalate into outright violence in Roberto's own home. He is attacked by the weirdo and told that he will eventually kill him but not yet. After all, it's not like Roberto can go to the cops. He shares this information with his wife Mina and she freaks out. Roberto seeks advice from his friend Godfry (called God) and attempts to figure out a plan of action. God introduces him to his parrot (named Jerk Off) and tells him to hire a private investigator. He also pays his hobo friend, The Professor, to watch over Roberto's house. It does little to calm Roberto's paranoia. He sends his wife away and attacks his mailman. This weirdo photographer is really getting to him.
The Professor, the Drummer and God
Senseless Mailman Abuse
What follows is blackmail, more blackmail, murder and some serious daddy issues. It's a fun ride so I will not be spoiling...much. This film is populated with odd characters and a few odd moments. The homosexual private detective is the best of the lot. He has 84 unsolved cases but is optimistic about Roberto's case because he is due for a win. I could watch a whole movie of Detective Arrosio and was sad to see him meet his end (but he did solve the case). God and the Professor are fun but not fleshed out, Mina's psychiatrist friend has an awesome mustache and looks like Ben Stiller, a cat is murdered, a couple making out in the park vanish through the magic of terrible editing, there's a recurring dream with a public decapitation and a funeral expo filled with trendy coffins and bad jokes.
The Early Works of Ben Stiller
The title comes from the "scientific" method used to catch the killer. Apparently, the last image a victim sees before death will remain on the retina for an hour or so. It is possible to photograph this image through the use of lasers and science, I guess. Do you know what that image looks like on the eye of one of the creepy photographer's victims? That's right! Four flies on grey velvet....just like the name of the movie!
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