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Thousands of years ago, fallen angels did the nasty dance with human women and this lead to the birth of a race of giants called Nephilim. These ancient creatures were wiped out in the great flood and supposedly excised from existence. Well, the evil angel Ammon (who can fly, has poisonous snake fingers, shoots out blue energy balls for matters of convenience and is played by Navid Negahban) mummified his son Aramis to spare him from the God-induced genocide and that brings us to today. Archeologist Casper Van Dien (swoooooon) has found the tomb of Aramis whilst excavating a resort for a wealthy entrepreneur by the name of Morton (Robert fuckin’ Wagner) and needles to say, the Egyptian style mummy in this neck of the woods is exciting enough, but the fact that he’s about the size of a truck is just a bit more interesting. After some workers vanish and there’s a confrontation with some kind of purple-robed cult, Morton hires on a security team, a security team under the command of the fallen angel Ammon who has plans to bring his big-ass son back from the dead and dominate the human race. But before that shitstorm hits, Casper Van Dien is gonna have to put up with the new structural engineer who has been brought in to make sure he’s digging where he should. They share a disdain for each other that’s so intense you already know they’ll be falling in love. Geoffrey Lewis shows up as an old-timer on the dig and… checks notes… son of a bitch… Tom Bosley pops in as a rabbi who our archaeologist hero brings in to translate some ancient text. Eventually we get ourselves a colossal mummy and I really wish that big son of a bitch was all over this damn thing. Silly comedy, familiar faces, and special effects that are the right kind of ass combine for a time that is a little delightful but mostly inept.
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