Gorotica (1993) (USA)

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Fucked up people collide as some fucked up situations escalate in Hugh Gallagher's nihilistic follow up to the entertaining as all hell Gorgasm. Two low-rent thieves flee into the night with a bag of stolen goods. A large jewel seems to be their main target and with the heat closing in, one of the crooks swallows the gem and ditches the rest. A cop stops them and a quick shoot out leads to a dead officer and a badly injured criminal. His buddy Neil steals a car from an extremely drunk man and loads his partner into the car, trying to come up with a plan of action. As Neil and Max flee in a stolen vehicle, the super foxy Carrie watches a continuous barrage of images of corpses and masturbates on her bed. She gets off with the help of a skull. You may say "Brennan. Why the fuck did you bring that up out of nowhere?" Trust me. It's important to know that she's into some freaky shit. Neil heads to the solitude of a cemetery to figure things out and discovers Max has passed on, Carrie is also at this cemetery for reasons I can only assume involve the recently deceased. She notices Neil but more importantly she notices the freshly deceased Max and she has an idea. Promising Neil a safe place to crash and a means of disposing the body, she offers her help. Neil agrees but we'll find out pretty damn quick that Carrie has an ulterior motive. Ya see, Carrie is a necrophiliac and she is jonesing to get to boning the fresh corpse she's just miraculously stumbled upon. When Neil heads out to make a phone call to try and sell off the jewel, Carrie has some steamy shower sex with the dead dude they've placed in her bath tub. Neil finds out he’ll be able to get some cash and when he returns he finds Carrie cutting his dead friend's hair and kissing the cold cadaver. He roles with it, knowing he's just gotta get through another day then he'll be getting the hell out of town. Of course, nothing could possibly be that easy. Carrie has other plans for Max now that he's begun to stink. She gives him a farewell fuck and then calls an acquaintance of hers. She knocks Neil out with a skull when he tries to cut open the corpse to get to the jewel and then drags Max's remains to her contact's house. Why is she bringing the body there? Well, you may want to sit down. Her contact is some cape-wearing creep who she supplies corpses to because he has AIDS. Worried about being imprisoned for spreading the horrible disease, he figures it's just easier to have his way with already decomposing partners. On top of the corpse fucking, he pays Carrie some extra cash to dress up in leather and whip him as he has his way with the dead. Tennessee is lit as fuck, yo! More cops are killed along the way and eventually Neil confronts his perverted antagonists and it all climaxes the only way it ever could: With Neil murdering an AIDS-infected-corpse-fucker, getting covered in his blood, shooting Carrie in the head and then planning his own suicide by immolation in a seedy motel room. Yay? Ghetty Chasun as Carrie throws everything into her performance and flinches from nothing. This film is anchored by her presence and bravery. The acting everywhere else is a little rocky, slipping between pure camp and boredom. It doesn't matter in the least though, thanks to the story that just spins out of control from the get-go. Hugh Gallagher continues to impress and fortunately found a powerhouse in Ghetty. A nasty but enjoyable experience.

Gorgasm (1990) (USA)

⭐️⭐️⭐️1/2

"You think the world is being governed by a giant asshole?" That's one of the handful of questions some pompous jag-bag ponders in the opening scene. Talking to us like we're some kindhearted soul who just came over to check on our "artist" friend's well-being. I have no answer for that question. But I can tell you that Gorgasm hits like a far too sensual massage from your elderly next door neighbor, Bill. In an oddball Illinois populated mostly by kinky perverts (so... Illinois), a sexy call girl is offering the next level of sexual pleasure to those willing to pay. "The Ultimate Climax" as she calls it involves a little dancing, a little stripping and a whole lot of murdering. Eventually this brings us to the wood-paneled basement... I'm sorry... wood-paneled police headquarters of some understaffed precinct. A police officer trapped behind a desk with dreams of being a detective is thrown a bone by his sergeant and given the case (at least until a real detective is available). All he has to go on is a mysterious ad in some underground porno magazine. There's no number or address, just a nude woman advertising Gorgasm. Using his detective skills he traces the ad back to its publisher and learns how to contact Gorgasm. While he's detecting, Tara (that's our psychotic call girl) has been keeping busy murdering various lonely perverts. It all traces back to her husband who had a thing for being beat and hung up in the garage and mysteriously (not really) died a few years back. That's some fine reasoning for becoming a murder-hooker. Detective dipshit takes out an ad in the magazine and in no time at all the trap is set and the final confrontation fast approaches. There will be boobs, a severed hand and a gun blast straight to the old baby maker. Sleazy and sadistic in all the right places, Hugh Gallagher's opening act of his "Gore Trilogy" is a fine trashy time for us SOV weirdos. He had yet to tap into the bat-shit vibes that were fast approaching but he still manages to bring the psychotic charm necessary for backyard budgeted horror. There's a cool-ass soundtrack, stiff line reading, porno stores and a death by weed-whacker. This is one hell of an improvement over Gallagher's Dead Silence. It does run a bit too long but already has enough going for it that it's easy to overlook the eventual dragging.

Foxhollow (2025) (UK)

⭐️1/2

A filmmaker, not in any position to refuse a gig, gets hired on by an eccentric local to film a documentary in the vast woods of South Wales. Foxhollow National Park to be exact. Of course they vanish and of course this is the footage that was uncovered. Tom gets answers the job posting and if he was financially secure, Trapper Harding’s cryptic and creepy behavior probably would have had him turning down the position. Alas, Tom ain’t that fortunate and that nagging voice warning of danger has to be silenced. So Tom grabs his kit and meets up with the grouchy man who has plans to capture proof of a legend. It’s into the woods for our heroes as skeptical Tom questions his guide but eventually comes around to the idea that there may be something lurking in the deep woods. Not that it will do either of the men much good because, as we already know, they don’t come back from this little excursion. A park ranger discusses the search for the missing men, the coverup that followed and hints at how disturbing the recovered footage is but it’s mostly just the two men talking and wandering around the forest as Tom cautiously questions Trapper’s beliefs and Trapper goes into detail about the ways of the Sasquatch. They leave the trail and things get freaky. Nothing you haven’t seen before and also pretty boring but the two leads are fine and the guy in a suit wanders around the background like a shaggy goof.

Meatcleaver Massacre (1977) (USA)

aka Revenge of the Dead/The Hollywood Meatcleaver Massacre/Evil Force/Morak/Moran Chant 

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

As older fans of horror can and probably will tell you (hundreds of times) before the internet was a globe encompassing beast, we had a rough time snatching up hard to find movies. Through video stores and usually the awesome weirdos that worked at these video stores, we would sometimes get lucky. VHS tapes (those things that brought hours of joy before degrading in quality, ruining the very machine you needed to view them with and destroying your weekend plans of Fulci film marathons) were one’s passport to weird and extreme worlds. And those wonderful weirdos behind the counter of your local mom and pop video stores were the gatekeepers. Before I became an employee, I was a faithful customer to my local video shop. Recognition and horror talk got me in close to the high school senior who worked behind the counter on Friday and Saturday nights. This led to his bootleg discoveries being passed on to me. Wonderful bootlegs of various (mostly awful) quality. I’m not complaining, it’s something I honestly love and miss about the pre-internet horror film experience. Now, the point of all this rambling; I watched a shitty copy of Meatcleaver Massacre on a bootleg VHS sometime before I graduated high school. I watched a (barely) less-shitty copy of Meatcleaver Massacre on YouTube about a month ago. My recollections of this film are just as muddy and indecipherable as they have been for the last few years between viewings. It’s supposed to be this way. That’s how amazing this movie is. I remember some things going into my YouTube viewing. There are no meat cleavers in this film. I remember that, at least I think I remember that. Scenes that may or may not be real flash into existence. I remember Sean and his odd hair, I remember interesting facial grooming on the detectives, Christopher Lee rambling and, of course, I remember Poopers. Lovable old Poopers. The soothing voice of horror, Christopher Lee, welcomes us to the film. He talks of death, evil spirits and the afterlife. It all has something to do with, most likely, nothing. It doesn’t matter. Christopher Lee was there. I’m sure of it. He rambles and then the movie begins. Sir Christopher Lee does not participate in the actual film. He’s just another passenger caught up in the Meatcleaver Massacre voyage. A professor talks about Morak. Morak is a demonic entity that can be called into reality for the sole purpose of vengeance. Morak is also known as The Great Avenger. A wise student chimes in “Yeah. Like Batman” Instead of ignoring his idiotic student, who should have gone with Ghost Rider and not a crime-hating vigilante with parent issues, the professor replies “Like a super-Batman, if you wish.” Fuck. This movie has all the answers. Morak will come into play soon enough. One of the professor’s students, a punk by the name of Mason, really disagrees with the professor that Morak may exist. Mason, being the complete asshole that he is, decides he can’t let his professor’s belief go. He and his group of no-goodniks decide to take a trip out to the professor’s house. I can only assume it’s a typical night over at Mr. Professor’s home. The professor is quietly reading, his son is making a sandwich, his daughter is taking a shower and his wife is letting out the loyal family dog Poopers. Mason and his gang of ne’er-do-wells arrive and are about to cause some mischief. Probably freak out the family with some old fashioned pranks. Then they killed Poopers and all bets were off. The family soon joins Poopers in whatever heaven he went to. The son is strangled, the wife is, I think, murdered by the correct use of the Mandible Claw and the daughter is bludgeoned with… well something. The print is very dark and outside of the strangulation you’re kind of left guessing how the family was done in. Mr. Professor was also bludgeoned but lives. He’s in a coma and unresponsive but still able to summon Morak for some sweet vengeance. At this point, your average horror film would follow the simple arch of comeuppance. This is not your average film. Something else is at play here. Sure, it follows the conventions but it also has them unfold with the logic of a lunatic. The gang of murderers meet up at a comedy show. A show involving Peter Falk impressions and hairdresser hatred. Someone is murdered by possessed cacti while hiking through the desert. A man attempts to commit suicide but upon seeing he’s late for work figures slitting his wrists can wait. Sex is also put off for work. People are massacred but no meat cleavers are used. The lunatic follows their own logic and the movie benefits from it. I sink deeper into the haze of this film. False scares and dream sequences further bend my sanity. The audio plays tricks on me. It slips in and out; sometimes the music drowns the dialogue. Dialogue written by an alien race that sat in on the marijuana-induced ramblings of two twenty year old philosophy majors. Moments in time disappear, lost forever to the shadowy world of Meatcleaver Massacre or were simply butter knifed out by an insane editor. The movie ends and Christopher Lee returns. He talks about a shaman convention. Shortly after, he uses the term "Abracadabracle" This film has cast a spell on me. Meatcleaver Massacre is a dream. No. Meatcleaver Massacre is a memory viewed through a thick fog. The images dance and briefly take shape but then disappear into the ether. Am I giving this movie too much credit? Maybe, but I think Poopers would disagree… and he died for us.

GoreX - The Zombi Horror Picture Show (1997) (Spain)

aka GoreX - Zombie Sex 

⭐️⭐️

A mad doctor’s experiments with a new drug spells trouble for three stranded young women when they are forced to spend the night in the doctor’s castle after their car breaks down. His new drug may eliminate pain but has the side effects of an increased sex drive and zombification. With no real morals to speak of, the doctor uses his new guests as test subjects. Hopefully one of the doctor’s servants (Nacho Vidal), who has fallen for one of the women, can get them the hell out before the flesh eating kicks in. There is plenty of cheap gore (mostly confined to an experimental surgery scene in the beginning that goes on and on and on) and some laughably unerotic eroticism. The copy viewed here (a bonus feature on the Toxic Filth Video release of Cannibal Cult) is the edited version with most of the hardcore shots cut out and no subtitles. This means we get plenty of laugh-inducing close ups of peoples sex faces and a produce masturbation scene which mostly consists of the young woman orally pleasuring a banana, carrot and cucumber... so... yay? There is a fun zombie-filled climax that sadly zooms by and some good laughs but holy hell is it a trek to get through.

Blood Beat (1983) (USA)

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️1/2

Liam Gallagher once sang "Backbeat, the word is on the street that the fire in your heart is out." If he had said "Blood Beat" I would still be writing he and his brother hate mail. Blood Beat's heart is burning with fire. The kind of fire brought about by a handle of cheap whiskey and a couple bumps of booger sugar. As it is, Oasis never made my shit list and Blood Beat never became "that one movie the Gallagher brothers sang about." Is anybody better off? Does this opening statement make any sense? Welcome to the wonderful world of Blood Beat! Christmas has come to Wisconsin. More importantly, orgasm-inducing samurai-ghost murders have made the trip as well. Ted, his sister Dolly and his girlfriend Sarah have all made the journey home. His painter mother Cathy and her bearded boyfriend Gary are playing host. We first meet the epically bearded Gary as he bow hunts a deer. Sarah meets Gary as he guts the main ingredient of deer stew. Failed bloody handshakes and general holiday excitement take a back seat to mom's obvious disdain for Sarah. Something is going on and judging by the looks mom gives to Sarah its either psychic tension or severe constipation. Based on all the blue and orange optical effects that eventually manifest, it is the former. Although, I've never had severe constipation, so I may be wrong. Things play out exactly as you would expect them to during a dreary Wisconsin winter. Ted tries, for what seems like an eternity, to bang Sarah while she's settling in to the guest room, Cathy goes super creepy and psychically watches her son try to bang Sarah, ma's hands become possessed, awesomely cheap orange and blue optical effects make an appearance and Ted shows off his rifle around the old Christmas tree. Just your usual winter in the good old Badger state. The cracks begin to widen when Sarah finds a samurai helmet in her bedroom. Her curiosity turns to fear when it magically vanishes from the room. It turns out she is, much like mom, psychic. The fragile reality of this film slowly unravels. Up to this point Blood Beat has been slightly off. It drags a little as it moves along. You figure on it being a weird little film that gave its best yet failed to entertain. Then a displaced Chicago Bears Superfan lookalike shows up. Buckle your safety belt, all hell is about break loose. The appearance of the superfan is the catalyst to the awesomeness of Blood Beat. He shows up and so does the blue light radiating samurai-ghost. The phantom attacks him. He runs and jumps through a window in SLOW MOTION! His death causes Sarah to have multiple orgasms. How is she connected to the blue light specter? Fuck if I know! All I know is we just witnessed the first ever masturbation-triggered ghost samurai attack in Wisconsin history. Blood Beat deserves every accolade because of this fact. After that little segment of Heaven passes you can just sit back and enjoy the brain meltingly confusing climax. More murders trigger more Sarah orgasms, the kitchen attacks Gary with food and a can of TAB, EVERYONE IS PSYCHIC, good magic and evil magic clash, stock footage roles and fucking LASERS happen! When the credits finally hit, the best thing to do is scoop up your brains and get on with your life. Don't dwell on Blood Beat. Don't look for answers. That will only lead to nosebleeds. Just let it be. Gary said it best: "Even the good old boys get fed up." And if that is the one discernible lesson you can take from Blood Beat, then I think we'll be more appreciative people. It's also possible this movie broke my brain and I'm just a rambling idiot. Perhaps we're all better off.

Dark Nature (2022) (Canada)

⭐️⭐️⭐️1/2

A therapy group heads out into the vast Canadian wilderness to confront their trauma or something along those lines. Joy is invited by her best friend Carmen to join in on the retreat because she is recently free of her abusive ex. On top of dealing with their metaphysical monsters, something very real and very dangerous seems to be occupying the area… more than your usual native fauna and asshat hunters who usually roam these woods. Joy is convinced her ex has followed them adding even more anxiety to the proceedings. She’s not the only one encountering some high strangeness and odd shit piles upon odd shit. A severed buck head, the therapy group’s leader (Doctor Dunnley) admitting she’s unfamiliar with the area, bad dreams, whispers, bonding and all the other hallmarks of a trek through the Canadian wilds are present and accounted for. There’s plenty of debate if the threat slowly closing in on the group of women is a solid thing or if their own rightfully damaged psyche is playing with them. Why can’t it be both? Likable and believably complicated characters help to keep things interesting in the opening stretch before the movie shows its hand and things get a little wild. Flashbacks play into the present, reality kinda bends in on itself and we learn, yet again, that there’s just some parts of nature you’re better not journeying into. A solid cast definitely benefits this unexpected creature feature. Great monster design, by the way.