⭐️⭐️1/2
Every time Meshach Taylor ends up in a movie I’m watching, my heart gets broken all over again because I search for what he’s been up to and realize he’s been dead since 2014. I love you Hollywood, may you rest in peace. Here, mighty Meshach plays a coot by the name of Crazy Briggs and he lends a hand to a man on a quest for revenge. Ya see there’s this roving pack of human/hyena hybrids that drive around the backroads of California and eat poor motorists who enter their domain. They also dress like they’re really into Smashmouth and are about as threatening as that sounds. It doesn’t help that they cackle like hyenas while attacking. The opening slaughter of a baby and its mother by some awkwardly rendered digital hyenas is stumbled upon by two lost dopes in leather jackets. Crazy Briggs sits by a campfire and speaks directly to us about the ancient hyena people and warns about how dangerous and mysterious they are. Glad he’s there to catch us up. He also reveals that his purpose in life is to hunt their supernatural asses down. The dead woman’s husband (holy hell, it’s Costas Mandylor) is riddled with guilt because she was on her way to see him and the police force is not hopeful that they’ll find out who the hell did this. So he drinks and cries until that majestic Meshach approaches him with the promise of revenge. Gannon doesn’t exactly buy into his claim of werehyenas on the prowl but Briggs convinces him to go on a little field trip with him by the old trick of pulling a gun on him. Proof is provided and the team up of Meshach and Mandylor that I never knew I needed finally happens. While this is going on there’s tension between a racist gang of Caucasian assholes and Mexican mechanics (?) that provides a few more bits of unlikable cannon fodder (not nearly enough, way too many of these derps make it to the end credits). There’s also the random folks who find themselves in the teeth of the beasts. There’s a young guy who wants to join the group of white dickheads and his sister (who is dating the head mechanic) ain’t happy about it. This all takes away from the dream team action but them’s the breaks. There’s talk of the female Alpha of the pack dying and the monsters now traveling and hunting down the hunters. The next alpha looks like it will be the large-breasted and tattooed Wilda but there’s chatter amongst the clan about her sister taking the reins. It seems like there may have been a time jump I missed but I think the film may just be lazy. A young woman is saved from a roadside attack by our heroic duo and Gannon falls for her and now I know there was definitely a time jump. Of course, she’s got a big secret and I’m pretty sure you can figure out what that is. Some of the worst fight choreography I have ever seen (and I’m using “choreography” in the loosest sense of the word) graces the screen and weak southern accents and weaker digital effects and somehow weaker acting have this thing reeking of hyena excrement. Fortunately for us, its trashiness is glorious and the one-two punch of Meshach and Mandylor really warms my dumbass heart. It’s still really bad, I just enjoyed it more than I should have. It also teaches a valuable lesson that bigotry can only be defeated by joining together to combat the threat of humans who can turn into hyenas.
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