It’s an alien because it came here in a meteor. It’s a swamp beast because that meteor crashed into a swamp and it takes over the corpse of a dead derp, transforming him into a very distant cousin of From Hell it Came’s Tabanga. Now that all the confusion is sorted, we can get to the film proper and I can ask myself why with only so much time on this earth in a slowly deteriorating vessel I spent an hour with this thing. A dimwitted young man is excited to get out and find that space rock, the old people he lives with tell him to finish his chores before looking for it. A man wakes up and we spend an ass-numbing amount of time watching him amble about his home. Dramatic music plays as he makes coffee, chooses a mug and drinks coffee. He also feeds his dog and pours himself a glass of booze. After that excruciating bit of needlessness we join the meteor-hunting dimwit as he awkwardly talks to a girl waiting for a bus and somehow convinces her to join him in hunting for the space rock. Back to the middle-aged drinking man doing a whole bunch of nothing. He gets called and is forced to cut his sad vacation short because of reasons. His dog watches the TV and a news report comes on about a bank robbery… well get more breaking news updates because why show when you can tell? The glowing green meteor is found, the bank robbers have to leave their car because it runs out of gas and are forced to cut through the swamp, the sad guy is an FBI agent and he’s after the bank robbers (of course it’s personal), he and the female agent running the case do not get along, various locals annoy with their bullshit and that titular monster (who is some cheapjack loveliness) takes fucking forever to show up. Audio issues persist throughout and can’t all be blamed on the wind, lines are flubbed, reshoots are ignored and the visual aspect looks like it was filmed by a camera made from the shattered hopes of dead orphans. It’s an ugly, ugly time. The fun monster and pink-haired bank robber with an eyepatch (What?! I have a type) save it from the oblivion of a zero rating. It’s supposed to be funny, I didn’t laugh once so I guess the joke’s on me.
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