I don’t know of any previous case where emergency eye surgery has lead to lycanthropy. I may be mistaken but I think it’s a first. Ya see, a laboratory accident has left a poor research chemist blind. The shady surgeon who decided to restore his sight through an eyeball transplant relies on an organ-snatching murderer to get his necessary stock. This murderer happens to get the eyeballs from a fucking werewolf. So… there ya go. Rich may have his vision back and the affection of his horny nurse (Stephanie Beaton) but he’s also slipping into some animalistic tendencies. He and his nurse fall for each other but as soon as he recovers, he heads back home to his wife of seven years… dick move, Rich. His wife isn’t all that happy to see him and leaves immediately to go bang his buddy. I don’t blame her. He confronts them, gets knocked out and is told to fuck off. Again… he pretty much deserves all of this. Rich heads home to sulk and transforms into a werewolf while watching television. His former buddy waits on the beach for his former wife with a bottle of booze and an acoustic guitar but instead of a sandy booty call, he gets mauled by a rubbery werewolf. The next day Rich wakes up disoriented in the middle of nowhere and comes across the home of a dwarf who is nothing but hospitable and helps him flee when the cops may or may not be searching the area. He’s questioned by a detective but since it looks like his friend was killed by an animal, she doesn’t pry that hard. As soon as she leaves, his author friend stops by to admit he saw him kill the poor sap on the beach. His wife stops by to be a jerk a little later and ends up wolf food. The detective finds her corpse and Rich ends up back in the home of the dwarf, who happens to be an expert on things unknown. Rich figures out that his current state has to do with the eye transplant and confronts his doctor about the garbage practice he’s running. He has to flee when the doctor calls his main goon to help. Luckily, he meets back up with his nurse and she helps him escape. They go back to her place and hit the bone-zone with the convincing eroticism of a couple of horny quadriplegic teenagers. Rich transforms but leaves her be and heads on out into the night and murders the unscrupulous doctor. The detective (who has the hots for the nurse) is after Rich and the author has plans to get himself a bestseller by interviewing an actual werewolf. Rich keeps digging, the black market organ dealer gets his and the werewolf loses his best bud. All this stupidity is peppered with some fun bits but everything around those lovely nuggets is so damn static it may just lull you to sleep. Porn quality performances, sex scenes about as erotic as watching two senior citizens french kissing (if you’re not into that, I mean), a wonderfully goofy werewolf costume and some hilarious splatter make the experience somewhat bearable.
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