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Thursday, September 3, 2026

The Coroner (1999) (USA)

aka Diary of a Serial Killer II/Cloak of Madness 

⭐️⭐️⭐️


A young defense attorney, who hasn’t had her spirit broken by the system yet, is kidnapped and tortured in the basement of a sadistic (well, more-so goofy) serial killer. She wakes up dressed as a school girl and being taunted by the lunatic who is completely naked under the “WORLD’S GREATEST CHEF” apron he’s rockin’. He excuses himself to change into a football uniform and Emma frees herself while he’s gone. After a brief chase (with the madman hilariously chanting “Emmmma”) she unfortunately gets captured again. Chained up, she gets a speech from her captor where he claims he’s some sort of demigod who is reclaiming the survivors of suicide and balancing the scales. Emma undergoes further torture, losing a finger in the process. Even after the dismemberment, Emma fights back and manages to escape. She gets hit by a car and wakes up in the hospital but when she leads the cops back to the location, it turns out it’s the home of the local coroner who just so happens to be the chief medical examiner for the department. He plays stupid and there’s no proof of any cellar dungeon in his house. He’s even changed aprons, this one reads “#1 DAD”. The department thinks she’s nuts and drops it. Looks like our surviving hero Emma is gonna have to get her own measure of justice. No easy task, considering her tormentor seems to be one step ahead of everyone. It’s a world populated with awful humans brought to life by local thespians and we have to spend more than hour with these shit-stains. The opening in the confines of a scuzzy titty bar lets us know where to set our expectations and the attack on a stripper whose shift has ended by a pervert in a lazy sunglasses-hat-trench-coat combo further sinks expectations. Performances might be blamed on head trauma and production may be a case of owed drug money. Lame sex, lame violence and an attitude that doesn’t hold humanity in high regard make it so the movie may not be getting the point it wanted to across but at least makes it memorable. The killer looks like the unholy spawn of Kevin Farley and Bobcat Goldthwait, Emma’s friend looks like Julia Sweeney and there’s a bunch of bad music on the soundtrack. Low-budget slasher may just give you a rash if you don’t have protection handy but what’s life without running the risk of ruining your own? I’m guessing no actual prostitutes were injured during the production of this film. It’s garbage, but it’s off-kilter garbage and that will always make the dumpster dive worth it. “Jesus Nadine! You may be a whore but you’re not stupid!”

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