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It’s out of the corn fields and into the big city when Chicagoan foster parents take in two orphaned brothers (orphaned by their own hands thanks to taking care of an abusive and drunk papa by turning him into a scarecrow via cornstalk assistance) from the infamous town where “He Who Walks Behind the Rows” unleashed some adult-slaying havoc a few years ago. As the old saying goes: you can take the ancient-corn-evil-spirit-worshipping tendencies out of the country but you can’t take the ancient-corn-evil-spirit-worshipping tendencies out of the child. Or something like that. Younger brother Eli has that evil corn god taking up space in his head and has brought some of that Gatlin corn with him to grow in the abandoned factory next door to his new home. Mom, much like the audience, is unsettled by Eli while dad seems to show him favoritism. She’s right and Eli is doing his best to fuck with her. He’s also gathering students at his new school (filled with some of the most elderly 90’s teens to ever teen) to pick up the Evil One’s message of worship and parent slaughter. It’s gonna be up to older brother Joshua (who’s become a fan of the less stuffy city life… not to mention his cute neighbor) to put a stop to the wickedness that journeyed all the way from Nebraska to Illinois… a trip my great aunt would make every other week… so, not that impressive. The series continues to get better as it leaves the self-serious boredom of the first outing further in the rear view and leans hard into its ridiculous story involving murderous children and an agricultural deity with a mean streak. Hoops get played (Amish boy can ball!), our hero resembles Trey Parker, corn gets grown, Eli gets a goofy “monster voice”, the evil spreads, dad seems to lose his ethics, Michael Ensign plays a priest who has sepia toned nightmares of the Gatlin massacre, Rance Howard is there, corn fights back, Charlize Theron gets something to avoid throwing on her résumé, nasty (and sometimes silly) ends come to adults standing in Eli’s way, a killer scarecrow with a ridiculous head of straw hair shows up and a practical head and spine tugging stands out. Eli is super slappable which goes a long way to excusing his weak performance and his gang of followers may be the least threatening gang of “teens” I’ve seen roaming the streets of Chicago and I once drew the ire of a clan of mustachioed IPA enthusiasts. Another lovely outing from the series that only got good when it got stupid and the climactic corn field battle is my kind of garbage… helps that is closes with He Who Walks Behind the Rows showing up to kill some extras.
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