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I feel like any time I contaminate a water supply with PCP, I’m thoughtful enough to leave zoo animals out of the equation. Well, in Frankfurt, Germany they just aren’t as thoughtful as my humble self. Now, a whole lotta animals are tripping balls and they escape their confines to terrorize the nighttime streets. A zoo veterinarian (who looks like the unholy starving child of Magnum P.I. and John Oates), his journalist (she may be a scientist as well) girlfriend (oddly sexy genre staple Lorraine De Selle) and a consistently snacking police officer do all they can to quell the rampage before the city is left in shambles. Also, the city’s rat population is now homicidal… and that sucks for everyone… including the couple just having a public sexy time in a parked car. Big cats do plenty of damage to several poor saps and an elephant even bursts through a brick wall on its murderous path to freedom. The journalist (possibly scientist) has a real annoying daughter who is a latchkey kid but receives no sympathy from me and had me actively rooting for her demise. We get it. You’re cranky because your mom is never around. Shut up. We’ve seen animals run amuck plenty of times but this time a woman gets crushed by an elephant after her spouse is strangled by another elephant’s trunk. Horrendous dialogue muddies any message the film is trying to preach, which admittedly makes it so much better than it has any right being and then there’s a polar bear in a children’s ballet class, a Tiger loose in the subway during a blackout and drugged-up homicidal kids… God bless you, Italy.
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