The death of a young girl at a slumber party is blamed on one of her friends. The cops, and any other level-headed adult, are correct in dismissing the claims that a demon by the name of The Crooked Man was summoned and murdered the little lady. As someone who has been to a few 12-year-old girl’s slumber parties, they usually end in at least one death. So, twelve-year-old Olivia is sent away to whatever facility holds twelve-year-old girls who accidentally summon a demon which kills their friend and then vanishes leaving said twelve-year-old girl to look super guilty of the crime. Six years later and Olivia is released from the loony bin. She returns to her hometown to the usual sideways glances and suspicions that are to be expected from her former besties and the disbelieving masses. When bodies start dropping, she’s an obvious suspect but she knows that monster from her past ain’t finished. She’s aided by a hunky cop who has the hots for her and doesn’t think she’s insane. There’s also a mysterious man named Milo (Michael Jai White!) who is following her because he knows there’s something evil and supernatural taking out folks and will be able to offer up some much-needed answers when the time comes (MICHAEL JAI WHITE INFO DUMP!). The janky-ass spirit is a simple and effective design, looking spooky enough to be moderately memorable and the digital alteration to give him his jerky movements ain’t completely distracting… they also ain’t afraid to show his ugly ass a bunch… something I will always appreciate. My dude Marco Rodriguez is there as Olivia’s papa and Dina Meyer is hanging around as the overprotective and stern mother of one of the girls (Alice) who was at the sleepover all them years ago. Alice is now an overacting shut-in thanks to mama’s caution. She is also playing her character like a pre-teen trapped in a sickly twenty-something’s body and gets to deliver a completely out of character (and left field) one liner before blowing up her own house. Olivia’s other former friends are all bitchy and begging to get slaughtered, so it ain’t hard to keep yourself interested in the proceedings… even after they quickly come around to the claims that a boogeyman is murdering everyone connected to the sleepover. I remember rolling my eyes and dismissing this son of a bitch when it aired almost a decade ago, but there’s been a couple hundred Tubi brain-melters since then and now I have to say, it’s way more capable at entertaining me than all them years ago. Hilarious stupidity brings a smile or two, like the scene where Olivia and her friend try to warn their former babysitter that she’s in danger. They go to the club where she’s performing, frantically make their way in and then stop to watch her perform and sway a bit while smiling and commenting just how good she is. I guess it wasn’t that important to warn her but she does cut her set short after seeing the evil spirit in the audience and then dies nastily after in the backstage darkness. Bummer. I guess I find shit like this way more charming now that I’ve watched college dopes without any discernible talent make lazy basement slasher films that are full of pretension but lacking any ambition or charm. It sure is stupid but it’s my kind of stupid so I’ll call it a win.
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Sunday, March 8, 2026
The Crooked Man (2016) (USA)
⭐️⭐️⭐️
The death of a young girl at a slumber party is blamed on one of her friends. The cops, and any other level-headed adult, are correct in dismissing the claims that a demon by the name of The Crooked Man was summoned and murdered the little lady. As someone who has been to a few 12-year-old girl’s slumber parties, they usually end in at least one death. So, twelve-year-old Olivia is sent away to whatever facility holds twelve-year-old girls who accidentally summon a demon which kills their friend and then vanishes leaving said twelve-year-old girl to look super guilty of the crime. Six years later and Olivia is released from the loony bin. She returns to her hometown to the usual sideways glances and suspicions that are to be expected from her former besties and the disbelieving masses. When bodies start dropping, she’s an obvious suspect but she knows that monster from her past ain’t finished. She’s aided by a hunky cop who has the hots for her and doesn’t think she’s insane. There’s also a mysterious man named Milo (Michael Jai White!) who is following her because he knows there’s something evil and supernatural taking out folks and will be able to offer up some much-needed answers when the time comes (MICHAEL JAI WHITE INFO DUMP!). The janky-ass spirit is a simple and effective design, looking spooky enough to be moderately memorable and the digital alteration to give him his jerky movements ain’t completely distracting… they also ain’t afraid to show his ugly ass a bunch… something I will always appreciate. My dude Marco Rodriguez is there as Olivia’s papa and Dina Meyer is hanging around as the overprotective and stern mother of one of the girls (Alice) who was at the sleepover all them years ago. Alice is now an overacting shut-in thanks to mama’s caution. She is also playing her character like a pre-teen trapped in a sickly twenty-something’s body and gets to deliver a completely out of character (and left field) one liner before blowing up her own house. Olivia’s other former friends are all bitchy and begging to get slaughtered, so it ain’t hard to keep yourself interested in the proceedings… even after they quickly come around to the claims that a boogeyman is murdering everyone connected to the sleepover. I remember rolling my eyes and dismissing this son of a bitch when it aired almost a decade ago, but there’s been a couple hundred Tubi brain-melters since then and now I have to say, it’s way more capable at entertaining me than all them years ago. Hilarious stupidity brings a smile or two, like the scene where Olivia and her friend try to warn their former babysitter that she’s in danger. They go to the club where she’s performing, frantically make their way in and then stop to watch her perform and sway a bit while smiling and commenting just how good she is. I guess it wasn’t that important to warn her but she does cut her set short after seeing the evil spirit in the audience and then dies nastily after in the backstage darkness. Bummer. I guess I find shit like this way more charming now that I’ve watched college dopes without any discernible talent make lazy basement slasher films that are full of pretension but lacking any ambition or charm. It sure is stupid but it’s my kind of stupid so I’ll call it a win.
The death of a young girl at a slumber party is blamed on one of her friends. The cops, and any other level-headed adult, are correct in dismissing the claims that a demon by the name of The Crooked Man was summoned and murdered the little lady. As someone who has been to a few 12-year-old girl’s slumber parties, they usually end in at least one death. So, twelve-year-old Olivia is sent away to whatever facility holds twelve-year-old girls who accidentally summon a demon which kills their friend and then vanishes leaving said twelve-year-old girl to look super guilty of the crime. Six years later and Olivia is released from the loony bin. She returns to her hometown to the usual sideways glances and suspicions that are to be expected from her former besties and the disbelieving masses. When bodies start dropping, she’s an obvious suspect but she knows that monster from her past ain’t finished. She’s aided by a hunky cop who has the hots for her and doesn’t think she’s insane. There’s also a mysterious man named Milo (Michael Jai White!) who is following her because he knows there’s something evil and supernatural taking out folks and will be able to offer up some much-needed answers when the time comes (MICHAEL JAI WHITE INFO DUMP!). The janky-ass spirit is a simple and effective design, looking spooky enough to be moderately memorable and the digital alteration to give him his jerky movements ain’t completely distracting… they also ain’t afraid to show his ugly ass a bunch… something I will always appreciate. My dude Marco Rodriguez is there as Olivia’s papa and Dina Meyer is hanging around as the overprotective and stern mother of one of the girls (Alice) who was at the sleepover all them years ago. Alice is now an overacting shut-in thanks to mama’s caution. She is also playing her character like a pre-teen trapped in a sickly twenty-something’s body and gets to deliver a completely out of character (and left field) one liner before blowing up her own house. Olivia’s other former friends are all bitchy and begging to get slaughtered, so it ain’t hard to keep yourself interested in the proceedings… even after they quickly come around to the claims that a boogeyman is murdering everyone connected to the sleepover. I remember rolling my eyes and dismissing this son of a bitch when it aired almost a decade ago, but there’s been a couple hundred Tubi brain-melters since then and now I have to say, it’s way more capable at entertaining me than all them years ago. Hilarious stupidity brings a smile or two, like the scene where Olivia and her friend try to warn their former babysitter that she’s in danger. They go to the club where she’s performing, frantically make their way in and then stop to watch her perform and sway a bit while smiling and commenting just how good she is. I guess it wasn’t that important to warn her but she does cut her set short after seeing the evil spirit in the audience and then dies nastily after in the backstage darkness. Bummer. I guess I find shit like this way more charming now that I’ve watched college dopes without any discernible talent make lazy basement slasher films that are full of pretension but lacking any ambition or charm. It sure is stupid but it’s my kind of stupid so I’ll call it a win.
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