Low-budget horror from Pennsylvania attempts to stuff its runtime with a shit-ton of plot but thanks to limited funds and a general lack of skills it somewhat charms as it fumbles but also bores as it plods along like a southern drunk on their way to confession. The chief physician of a local hospital has been funded by some shadowy government organization to experiment with the resurrection of the dead. In cahoots with the hospital operations manager, they attempt to keep their illegal studies a secret from a visiting federal inspector. This leads to them hiring a duo of lazy thugs to dispose of most of their test subjects. An approaching storm and a lack of damns to be given leads to the duo of doofuses (or is it doofi?) dumping the dead into the nearby swamp. Guess what happens. That’s right! The serum works and soon the swampland is crawling with aggressive zombies. This is bad news for a small biology class in the area collecting samples. If that’s not enough for ya there’s also a bikini babe trying to survive after her friend is eaten by the living dead, a hoss of a swamp hermit with a tragic past, a few police officers who take no shit and an ass-kicking forest ranger with a long ponytail and a never-say-die attitude. There’s also government goons creeping around the hospital and a boatload of cheaply made-up zombies. What could have been a fun backyard horror film puts a little too much on the plate and doesn’t really know what to do with it. There’s plenty of exposition, rough editing, directions given in real time and paper-thin characters who I’ll be damned if I can remember their names. The soundtrack is an LP of all kinds of butt and some of the songs are hilariously awful. Former porn star Jasmin St. Claire is extremely likable as the evil hospital operations manager and has a gratuitous shower scene, plus Dan “The Beast” Severn shows up to (slowly) kick some zombie keister and collect a paycheck. It has its moments but never justifies its 103 minute runtime
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Friday, June 12, 2026
Swamp Zombies !!! (2005) (USA)
⭐️⭐️
Low-budget horror from Pennsylvania attempts to stuff its runtime with a shit-ton of plot but thanks to limited funds and a general lack of skills it somewhat charms as it fumbles but also bores as it plods along like a southern drunk on their way to confession. The chief physician of a local hospital has been funded by some shadowy government organization to experiment with the resurrection of the dead. In cahoots with the hospital operations manager, they attempt to keep their illegal studies a secret from a visiting federal inspector. This leads to them hiring a duo of lazy thugs to dispose of most of their test subjects. An approaching storm and a lack of damns to be given leads to the duo of doofuses (or is it doofi?) dumping the dead into the nearby swamp. Guess what happens. That’s right! The serum works and soon the swampland is crawling with aggressive zombies. This is bad news for a small biology class in the area collecting samples. If that’s not enough for ya there’s also a bikini babe trying to survive after her friend is eaten by the living dead, a hoss of a swamp hermit with a tragic past, a few police officers who take no shit and an ass-kicking forest ranger with a long ponytail and a never-say-die attitude. There’s also government goons creeping around the hospital and a boatload of cheaply made-up zombies. What could have been a fun backyard horror film puts a little too much on the plate and doesn’t really know what to do with it. There’s plenty of exposition, rough editing, directions given in real time and paper-thin characters who I’ll be damned if I can remember their names. The soundtrack is an LP of all kinds of butt and some of the songs are hilariously awful. Former porn star Jasmin St. Claire is extremely likable as the evil hospital operations manager and has a gratuitous shower scene, plus Dan “The Beast” Severn shows up to (slowly) kick some zombie keister and collect a paycheck. It has its moments but never justifies its 103 minute runtime
Low-budget horror from Pennsylvania attempts to stuff its runtime with a shit-ton of plot but thanks to limited funds and a general lack of skills it somewhat charms as it fumbles but also bores as it plods along like a southern drunk on their way to confession. The chief physician of a local hospital has been funded by some shadowy government organization to experiment with the resurrection of the dead. In cahoots with the hospital operations manager, they attempt to keep their illegal studies a secret from a visiting federal inspector. This leads to them hiring a duo of lazy thugs to dispose of most of their test subjects. An approaching storm and a lack of damns to be given leads to the duo of doofuses (or is it doofi?) dumping the dead into the nearby swamp. Guess what happens. That’s right! The serum works and soon the swampland is crawling with aggressive zombies. This is bad news for a small biology class in the area collecting samples. If that’s not enough for ya there’s also a bikini babe trying to survive after her friend is eaten by the living dead, a hoss of a swamp hermit with a tragic past, a few police officers who take no shit and an ass-kicking forest ranger with a long ponytail and a never-say-die attitude. There’s also government goons creeping around the hospital and a boatload of cheaply made-up zombies. What could have been a fun backyard horror film puts a little too much on the plate and doesn’t really know what to do with it. There’s plenty of exposition, rough editing, directions given in real time and paper-thin characters who I’ll be damned if I can remember their names. The soundtrack is an LP of all kinds of butt and some of the songs are hilariously awful. Former porn star Jasmin St. Claire is extremely likable as the evil hospital operations manager and has a gratuitous shower scene, plus Dan “The Beast” Severn shows up to (slowly) kick some zombie keister and collect a paycheck. It has its moments but never justifies its 103 minute runtime
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