I saw 1988’s Scarecrows when I was probably way too young but it had the effect of causing in deep-seated love for killer scarecrow films. So, no matter how straight-to-dvd they would be, I would greedily scoop up any killer scarecrow flick that came my way and watch with a big dumb grin on my big dumb face. Dark Harvest, Scarecrow Gone Wild… it’s all me, baby! I think if you’re even just a little familiar with my movie watching, you know I’m kind of the abused spouse when it comes to my relationship with found footage horror flicks. I love the bastards but they keep hurting me and I keep on coming back, thinking this time they’ll prove to have changed for the better. Just take a gander at my library of reviews and the question should pop into your gorgeous head: “What the fuck is wrong with this guy?” Why the long-winded opening? Well, I was probably a bit too excited for the prospect of a found footage scarecrow flick but here we are and here I am. Smiling with my big dumb face. An insufferable social media chode (he’s supposed to be, the folks commenting on his video agree) hosts an edit of a much more popular social media couple’s videos following their move from Texas to a home in Los Angeles. Said Chode, Sandy, claims he put the thing together while pretty damn high so it’ll be like he’s joining us on a first-time watch. Henry and Haley are at least affable while being just as cringey as all of these social media “celebs” usually are… so, the actors are all doing splendid jobs. Unfriendly neighbors start things off on a sour note and Haley is disturbed when she finds a scarecrow propped up in their backyard, hidden in some vegetation. Henry doesn’t give two-shits and just assumes it’s a prank or something. As expected, things just get creepier and creepier. So much so that our wraparound douche begins to show some concern. An escalation in awfulness plagues the couple as something ancient and supernatural passes judgement and sins are revealed… all for the viewing public. Haley’s frustration with the “influencer” life she’s trapped in and Henry’s growing terror at the situation they’ve seemingly stumbled into just hastens the downward spiral. Mildly interesting in its buildup, it unfortunately falls apart during the reveal and the capabilities of some just can’t seem the handle the needed dramatics. Luckily, it brings back the fun for the climax and becomes the killer scarecrow found footage film it should be. There’s a good amount of wasted time and I probably just fucked up for being way too excited for a found footage supernatural scarecrow film. Now that I’m seeing that written out, I realize how big of a dipshit I am.
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