Dirt-cheap horror hijinks filmed on location at Smokey Joe’s Cafe in Charlotte, NC follows the misadventures of a cannibal who runs his own shithole restaurant which serves people to people. But I’m getting ahead myself, first we travel back to the year 1386 and witness a trio of black-robed members of some brotherhood punish a high priest by feeding his immortal ass a potion which causes rapid decay and the only way to restore it is too eat human flesh. Got it? Good. Now you’re all caught up. So now undead cannibal Goza is taking his curse out on the world… by randomly killing idiots who happen upon his place of business. He’s got a big-old servant by the name of Blozor who collects victims and a wait staff that are a mixture of horny and rude. A young man’s gal goes missing and he finds her ring in his hamburger, when he raises his concerns, Goza has Blozor kick him out. The dude ain’t gonna give up that easy and he manages to convince a horny blonde waitress to help him out. Or so he thought, after they discover a room full of severed limbs, he ends up getting a large butcher’s knife to the gut care of the blonde waitress. Why? I’m not really sure… she seemed pretty terrified and I think she ends up dead soon after. Maybe it was hypnotism? The movie just kind of carries on like this for a little more than an hour as random folks are introduced and then get murdered and served for dinner. There’s live music, an endless awkward dance party, actresses that are definitely actual North Carolinian strippers, the kind of performances one would expect to find in a film called Gore-met, Zombie Chef from Hell, Goza waxes poetic to the camera, a crazy homeless man hangs around outside the restaurant warning people away and talking about the importance of a “book” needed to defeat Goza and the paint drying just beside your television may prove to be a bit more thrilling than what’s happening on screen. A librarian shows up and Goza gets the hots, she also steals a big-ass antique book from his mantle. Those brotherhood derps show up again, talking about fixing their mistakes and putting an end to Goza for goodza (thank you, thank you). I’m usually all about these backyard epics but outside of brief inspired moments, this bad boy just drags major ass. It’s got aspirations or maybe it’s just delusions.
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