Camp Blood 3: First Slaughter (2014) (USA)

aka Camp Blood III 3D

⭐️

Mark Polonia takes the wheel for this third official (Within the Woods supposedly doesn’t count) outing in the Camp Blood series after more than a decade has passed. A class assignment sends a group of students into the infamous Camp Blood woods to debunk all them nasty legends of the killer clown. The opening interviews (featuring Mark and his son) let us know that people either think it’s bullshit, think it’s dangerous or don’t really want to talk about it. Interspersed are scenes of a lumbering dope in a cheap clown mask brandishing a big ol’ machete. Said dope is seen stalking a young couple but then gets his head chopped off by some other dope in a sillier mask and camouflage. This dope (also carrying a machete) takes out the two folks who were being stalked by the other idiot. Cheap digital blood splatter accompanies the low-rent gore (provided by Mark’s son)… it’s a Polonia film from after 2010, I’m just happy he’s still making movies. The six students of the urban legends class are in week four and have gotten onto the Camp Blood clown portion of their studies. They disagree over how true the story is and watch some food footage. Yes, watching people watch annoying found footage is just as exciting as it sounds. It ends in murder by clown and it’s not all that convincing. The students still disagree and the professor sends them out to Camp Blood to investigate and earn some extra credit points. The killer deals out death to some random folks including a man who should not be allowed to chop wood and a janitor provides a jump-scare to the professor (who looks really good in purple, some people just really pull that color off). There’s also the extended (ass-numbing) stalking of one of the female students with POV accompanied by heavy breathing. It’s just a dream so that’s a waste of time. Polonia regular Jeff Kirkendall shows up to warn one of the girls about Camp Blood when she arrives solo and he creeps her out enough to have her decide to just enter the woods on her lonesome. She doesn’t make it and then we get flashes of the rest of the cast dying. The killer attaches a camera to the silly mask and a brief news report about the missing college students happens. It’s three months later, a local finds a bloody skull and a bag of media equipment. So, a found footage Camp Blood flick is what we get spliced together from several devices including the killer’s head camera which means we get plenty of heavy breathing over footage of people walking and being annoying. You’re killing me here, Mark. One of the college kids shares the legend of Frank who was a killer before the clown and then he plays guitar and sings. Maaaaark. Please, for the love of God! I love you like a brother but this movie is dragging ass. Lame death finally comes to multiple idiots and this is one slasher flick without much effort. There’s not much Polonia magic on display and it feels like maybe Mark just didn’t have any enthusiasm about this bad boy. It’s not a complete waste (the purple sweater is quite fetching and the killer reveal is hilariously performed) but if you decided to just nap through this you may be better off.