Elderly teenager Lester is the standard-issue weird loner living in a trailer with his momma that gets the wrong kind of attention from his classmates and other local jerks (including a wonderfully terrible history teacher). He befriends the sarcastic daughter of the sheriff but since he is who he is and she is her majesty Tiffany Shepis, she’s smoochin’ far better looking (by comparison) men than the scooter-using creepy dink who looks like he’s already been through two divorces and at least one hip replacement. Well, this upsets Lester when he catches his dream girl locking lips with someone else at a party (she’s drunk and he’s a pud) he’s creeping around, so he runs home (after stopping to abuse a scarecrow and question why he can’t be like the scarecrow) only to find his alcoholic mother getting her bang on with her drunk hookup. Lester’s conniption and interruption is answered by the mustachioed drunk chasing him into the nearby cornfield and strangling him under the watchful and dead eyes of the scarecrow perched there. The murdering asshole makes it look like Lester finally did the expected thing and killed himself but, of course, Lester’s soul has transferred into the scarecrow and now this ugly bastard is hellbent on revenge. As a scarecrow, Lester now has acrobatic skills and lazy one liners that an Indonesian Freddy Krueger knockoff would probably toss into the waste bin. Idiots and assholes wander out to the cornfield and die by the scythe of the wise-ass scarecrow or the scarecrow flips his ass out into town to murder dopes with *checks notes* an ear of corn to the ear, a metal pointer to the skull, a frying pan to the noggin and a face to a grill among other unimpressive techniques. I don’t know if any film in the history of cinema has ever had me siding with the bullies but Scarecrow crafts such an unlikable outcast that it’s hard to root for him at any point before he becomes a homicidal scarecrow. It’s impressive in the worst way possible. The dude even sketches in an unappealing manner… I don’t know if I’ve seen that before. The character pool is tainted with unlikable idiots and the story drowns in humor that I don’t think even it finds funny but insists on cramming down the viewer’s throat. As you know, I happily kneel at the alter of Shepis (and there is nowhere near enough of her in this) and a lame-ass kill-happy acrobatic scarecrow is still a kill-happy acrobatic scarecrow so it was by no means a waste of my time… but please do not take that as a recommendation, I just have very low standards.
No comments:
Post a Comment