Blood Hook (1986) (USA)

aka Muskie Madness

⭐️⭐️1/2

More proof that the dangers of fishing contests far outweigh the joys of sitting on your ass in open water, drinking some crispy boys and waiting for aquatic creatures to nibble on your bait. I’ve tried preaching of the terrors for years but all my warnings seem to fall on deaf ears. It’s a hill I’ll die on and luckily, I can always point to this weirdo late-eighties comedy/slasher flick as proof that my message has depth. Muskie Madness is the name of the contest and the lake is packed with hopeful fishermen looking for that big catch. All these master baiters are soon gonna feel like prey though because a madman is dragging them to bloody ends with the usage of a big-ass fishhook. Damn shame that a group of young idiots are up at the lake at a family vacation house. The young man’s grandpa was hit by a stray bullet (shouldn’t fish with guns ya damn idiots) whilst fishing on his dock and it went right in his spine seventeen years earlier and the young man hasn’t been to the house since. The caretaker is a real grump with a white beard that may be painted on and it’s hard to focus on anything else with just how gross it looks. The locals are kinda weirdos and some are even assholes… ya know, real “characters”. An annoying family from Oak Park, IL are also around taking up screen time. A super hawt local girl who probably shouldn’t be a mother almost loses her son to the hook-wielding mad man… it’s not really important but I really wanted to mention the smokin’ hot 80’s fitness buff chickadee. The cops have their hands tied due to the community spectacle and that leaves the group of friends frustrated when one of their own turns up missin’. The murders take a backseat to the serious concern of cheating in the competition. It all has to do with a metal plate in the head and the sweet sounds of the cicadas driving a veteran insane. The lead looks like David Tennant if his not-too-distant relatives shared some of the same DNA… or if he were born in Florida… same thing, I guess. There’s another asshole who looks like Anthony Edwards if he never lost his baby fat. It’s very Midwestern, which immediately places it in my good graces, but it’s also a little more boring than anything else and it’s got a lameness to it which is sometimes charming and sometimes annoying… just like a little cousin who wants to hang out with you and your friends as you drink stolen Milwaukee’s Best and light off firecrackers found in your uncle’s garage.