Monster Dog (1986) (Spain/USA/Puerto Rico)

aka The Bite/The Lord of the Dogs/Leviatán

⭐️⭐️1/2

Rock star Vince Raven (rock star Alice Cooper) returns to his childhood home to shoot a music video. Getting things off to an auspicious start, he’s warned by the local sheriff that a string of dog attacks have lead to several murders in the area. But where the local authorities are pointing an exasperated finger at a pack of wild dogs (they aren’t wrong, there’s just an underlying factor), Mr. Raven is concerned that something worse may actually be going on. There’s some local folklore concerning Vincent’s papa and some horseshit about the family blood allowing one to control the dangerous pack of dogs (there’s that underlying factor). That’s one of the lesser ridiculous things that is defined in some truly wretched dialogue. One of the group has a psychic vibe that bad times are coming to she and the rest of the crew and she has some bloody visions to further enforce this belief. This vision also has a maniacally giggling old man chasing after her, letting her know she’s doomed and also showcases all her friends slaughtered. The old man then puts the blame purely on Vincent. Vincent changes into a werewolf right before the psychic chickadee wakes up screaming. Local idiots cause further problems for the visiting idiots and a dead caretaker spooks the group more than any supposed psychic vision. Finally, a truly janky werewolf shows itself. Magically, the combined powers of Spain, America and Puerto Rico managed to make a film that comes off like a late-eighties Italian made-for-TV horror film., just slightly worse. Great job. The soundtrack is my level of cheesy when it comes to 80s tunes, so I have no issue there. Alice Cooper was under the assumption this flick would not be seen outside of The Philippines and took the part. His acceptance of the obviously dumb role was also inspired by an uncertain future. His label had recently dropped him after a problematic stretch of addiction issues. Granted, he had finally decided to become sober but it was just a bit too late in the eyes of the people fronting the bill. Luckily, the genuinely sweet shock rocker managed to survive his demons and this hilarious turd of a werewolf flick. So just be happy we got a truly brain-abusing werewolf movie starring Alice Cooper and he picked up a golf habit instead of a cocaine addiction.