Turtle Island (2013) (USA)

⭐️⭐️

Friends should never let friends become documentarian filmmakers. At least, that’s what the found footage subgenre has taught me. There’s only two endings available, really. In one the filmmaker gets obsessed with a supernatural subject and vanishes trying to bring it out into the light. Then all his or her friends have to talk about them in the inevitable documentary on the missing documentarian that follows. Worse, the second option has the eager filmmaker actually dragging along his or her friends to whatever end awaits them. Now there’s nobody to directly talk about you in the documentary about you because those closest to you have ended up just as dead as you. Bummer. The illusive Bigfoot of Vermont becomes a point of interest for scumbag filmmaker (we’re introduced to him cheating on his girlfriend with his best friend’s girlfriend) named Daniel and even though he is constantly proving himself untrustworthy, he manages to convince his friends to journey out to the wilds of Turtle Island and hunt for Bigfoot. There’s a short video floating around the web concerning a supposed bear attack that doesn’t look like any kind of bear. The dude who sent him the video seems awfully eager to get Daniel and his friends (exploitation targets) out to the island. The plan is to catch it all on camera and make them those sweet, sweet reality tv buckaroos. Interspersed footage of what looks to be a torture room and bound women doesn’t bode well. The distress of the group isn’t inspiring much optimism either. The road trip out has everyone building their character history up which is fine for the other three (two interchangeable girls and a young Tom Pelphrey) but the ever-present Daniel sucks all the likability out of almost everything. So it’s a long stretch of having to deal with Daniel and his gang of dopes. There’s also interviews with folks who have had encounters with the North American forest ape on the island our heroes are heading to. Driving in, they have an encounter with a local weirdo after one of their number checks to see if she’s okay when they see her stumbling on the side of the road. Other local flavor is encountered and the quartet finally make it to their destination. Before they get there, they already begin agitating each other. Oh goody. Camping and drinking takes place and the excitement of outhouse exploration is experienced. Dark woods are navigated as something big is seen running through the night. Performances are solid, the camerawork is suitably shaky, the minimal Sasquatch action is pretty fun (Fuck you, Daniel. You had that coming.) and they are delightfully goofy looking. The clips of torture-lite action don’t come into play and seem unnecessary but what do I know? Take it or leave it, won’t matter in the long run.