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If 2002’s Scarecrow taught us anything it was that sometimes bullies are right to pick on people. That movie’s whipping boy who became a supernatural scarecrow slasher with mad hops was named Lester and he was the wettest of blankets in the form of a teenager who looked like he had just celebrated his fortieth birthday before heading into junior year. Luckily, Tiffany Shepis was there to ease some of the pain but she ain’t here this time. Neither is Lester so I guess that’s a point in the movie’s favor. Top-billed Tony Todd (who may have had to ingest several heavy drugs to get through this skid row production) has a history with the demonic scarecrow as the pre-credits shows it kill his father for some reason. Since that terrible night, he ain’t been all there and has taken it upon himself to guard the evil thing. He’s even written a few books on the subject which have been dismissed as the ravings of a lunatic… the interview he’s doing to open things doesn’t exactly do anything to soften that belief. Two pledging idiots break into the farm to steal the infamous scarecrow for their fraternity initiation but farmer Todd mistakenly shoots one of them dead. David’s stupid soul gets sucked into the stupid scarecrow and now death is in the future of several unlikable college idiots. The dead kid’s friend is an awkward weirdo named Karl who falls into the Lester category of having a face decades older than he acts while stuck on a body that may be pushing thirteen. It’s… unsettling. David’s girlfriend Mary and creepy Karl are probably all that stands in the way of the scarecrow’s tour of revenge that isn’t really revenge because he was just an idiot who really shouldn’t have been trespassing. Everyone acts like the set was blanketed in a thick level of carbon monoxide and character actions exist somewhere in a dimension where brain death is the norm. Ditzy Sheila is the only likable person and she dating the frat president Gavin who won’t shut up about how he’s going to be a marine. Mary comes off like a really high stripper cosplaying as Katharine Isabelle and Karl gives a performance one can define as “why?”. He also looks like what would happen if a Walton Goggins and Andrew Scott amalgamation was sculpted by a drunk Stevie Wonder who decided to give up before the final stretch. Impressive in that it’s somehow worse than the already wretched original but that’s probably something you wouldn’t want to brag about. Shitty cgi violence gets me smiling but in a movie this ass, it’s not much to hold onto. There’s no embarrassing one-liners from the killer scarecrow this time and the “why try” attitude of the movie transfers directly to the viewer.
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