The daughter of a powerful underworld boss is kidnapped by a small group of wannabe criminals and they hold her in an isolated mansion while they wait for a fifty million dollar ransom to be paid. The little ballerina is more than just a dangerous man’s daughter, and the group of ill-prepared kidnappers soon find out that they are trapped with a miniature monster with a rather large appetite. Things get rocky almost immediately with some amateur missteps and the realization of whose daughter they have causes tension in the group. The underworld boss is sort of an urban legend amongst criminals and cops and there’s a trail of massacred corpses in his wake. After one of the group gets his head torn off, the team decide to just cut their losses and get the hell out. That’s when they discover they’re sealed in tight and they’re all fucked. After some mind games with the most sympathetic of the group, Abigail reveals what she is and starts taking down the kidnappers one by one. The cast makes this good time even better, with the wonderful Dan Stevens and Kevin Durand stealing the show. Melissa Barrera is solid as the sympathetic criminal tasked with being the sole criminal communicating with the supposedly innocent child but overshadowed by the supporting players at every turn… which isn’t really her fault because everyone else is just that good. William Catlett puts in a memorable turn as an ex-soldier and the most professional of the batch, Kathryn Newton giving her best performance to date as a bored hacker looking for kicks, Angus McCloud is suitably annoying as the getaway driver with a screw loose and Giancarlo Esposito as the mystery man funding the endeavor makes the most of his small role. The comedy works because it recognizes the ridiculousness of the situation and has a group of actors that can deliver and Alisha Weir is having a complete blast playing the monstrous child who proves increasingly hard to kill. Just a fun fucking movie that even has a decent amount of splatter to offer.
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Friday, May 8, 2026
Abigail (2024) (USA/Ireland/Canada)
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
The daughter of a powerful underworld boss is kidnapped by a small group of wannabe criminals and they hold her in an isolated mansion while they wait for a fifty million dollar ransom to be paid. The little ballerina is more than just a dangerous man’s daughter, and the group of ill-prepared kidnappers soon find out that they are trapped with a miniature monster with a rather large appetite. Things get rocky almost immediately with some amateur missteps and the realization of whose daughter they have causes tension in the group. The underworld boss is sort of an urban legend amongst criminals and cops and there’s a trail of massacred corpses in his wake. After one of the group gets his head torn off, the team decide to just cut their losses and get the hell out. That’s when they discover they’re sealed in tight and they’re all fucked. After some mind games with the most sympathetic of the group, Abigail reveals what she is and starts taking down the kidnappers one by one. The cast makes this good time even better, with the wonderful Dan Stevens and Kevin Durand stealing the show. Melissa Barrera is solid as the sympathetic criminal tasked with being the sole criminal communicating with the supposedly innocent child but overshadowed by the supporting players at every turn… which isn’t really her fault because everyone else is just that good. William Catlett puts in a memorable turn as an ex-soldier and the most professional of the batch, Kathryn Newton giving her best performance to date as a bored hacker looking for kicks, Angus McCloud is suitably annoying as the getaway driver with a screw loose and Giancarlo Esposito as the mystery man funding the endeavor makes the most of his small role. The comedy works because it recognizes the ridiculousness of the situation and has a group of actors that can deliver and Alisha Weir is having a complete blast playing the monstrous child who proves increasingly hard to kill. Just a fun fucking movie that even has a decent amount of splatter to offer.
The daughter of a powerful underworld boss is kidnapped by a small group of wannabe criminals and they hold her in an isolated mansion while they wait for a fifty million dollar ransom to be paid. The little ballerina is more than just a dangerous man’s daughter, and the group of ill-prepared kidnappers soon find out that they are trapped with a miniature monster with a rather large appetite. Things get rocky almost immediately with some amateur missteps and the realization of whose daughter they have causes tension in the group. The underworld boss is sort of an urban legend amongst criminals and cops and there’s a trail of massacred corpses in his wake. After one of the group gets his head torn off, the team decide to just cut their losses and get the hell out. That’s when they discover they’re sealed in tight and they’re all fucked. After some mind games with the most sympathetic of the group, Abigail reveals what she is and starts taking down the kidnappers one by one. The cast makes this good time even better, with the wonderful Dan Stevens and Kevin Durand stealing the show. Melissa Barrera is solid as the sympathetic criminal tasked with being the sole criminal communicating with the supposedly innocent child but overshadowed by the supporting players at every turn… which isn’t really her fault because everyone else is just that good. William Catlett puts in a memorable turn as an ex-soldier and the most professional of the batch, Kathryn Newton giving her best performance to date as a bored hacker looking for kicks, Angus McCloud is suitably annoying as the getaway driver with a screw loose and Giancarlo Esposito as the mystery man funding the endeavor makes the most of his small role. The comedy works because it recognizes the ridiculousness of the situation and has a group of actors that can deliver and Alisha Weir is having a complete blast playing the monstrous child who proves increasingly hard to kill. Just a fun fucking movie that even has a decent amount of splatter to offer.
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