Bloody-Mary-adjacent boogeywoman, the Queen of Spades, can supposedly be summoned after performing a ritual. It involves a queen of spades playing card, a candle, drawing a door and a staircase on a mirror and then following that up with saying the name a few times in your standard well-lit darkness. Conjuring up the creepy creeper will have her granting you a wish if she is at peace but if she’s not… well, you’re just fucked. Four teenage idiots do just that and unleash the ancient evil on themselves and their loved ones. They learn the name after witnessing some kid jump off the roof of a community center they’re hanging around, it being the last words they hear from him before they flee to avoid the police they called. One gets interested in what the dude said and looks into the Russian legend of the kid-killing woman who ended up facing mob justice and horrible torture. Seeing YouTube views in their future, they get going with the spooky shenanigans. Oh man, they’re so fucked. Our lead is a mopey thirteen-year-old dope by the name of Anna who treats her hard-working mother like shit (I know that’s just what teenagers do… still doesn’t make you want to root for ‘em) and just kinda sucks at life. The jokester of the group gets marked first with an open sore on his arm and comes to Anna for help. She brushes him off, thinking he’s being an ass (a normal human would see the kid’s anxiety as very real) and acts all surprised when he collapses from a heart attack after doing weird shit in front of the mirror. This girl is wet dog shit on a white couch. The smart kid (he has glasses) reaches out to the author of a book he read on the subject and is told they’re pretty much boned and they should make their peace. Anna’s mom thinks the surviving kids are messing with her daughter but she also has to work so she lets them off with a warning about ending all the foolishness. The creepy lady begins showing up in reflective surfaces kinda looking like the spooky lady from the Insidious films who ended up being a serial killer in drag… I think… I watch a lot of movies. Mom eventually gets creeped out, realizes shit has gotten weird and actually takes a day off to help her daughter out of this paranormal predicament she’s gotten herself in. Everyone seems to be heavily sedated and pissed-off at each other and even when things should be picking up, it never transitions out of first gear and just keeps chugging along. There’s a walkie-talkie scene that works a bit and creepy-ghost-lady™ may be lazy but them bitches be somewhat effective anyways. I don’t know, take a nap instead.
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