Some dude finds himself trapped in an abandoned house with no idea as to how the hell he got himself into this predicament. The disappearance of a teenage girl who wrote creepypastas (I think she’s the person who is poorly narrating the film) clues us in that this poor sap ain’t the first victim of whatever the hell is going on. He wanders around the house and finds a pile of corpses on the basement stairs, he then gets a text asking if he’s leaving. Fat chance. There’s more murdered corpses strewn about the place and an open laptop with a message on the screen telling him the way to get out is to check some flash drives that have been left for him. So he does and he watches the videos on there. First up a young woman gets a little freaked out in her empty home during a thunderstorm. Creaking doors and random power outages will do that. Especially since it seems like her home is just an extended attic. Instead of stretching it out into something a viewer could call tense, the thing abruptly ends and the viewer is left shrugging. Not a great sign. Nextly, a little girl’s super tall imaginary friend, Jumbly, proves his existence by kidnapping the little girl while simultaneously appearing to her bullying older sister. It’s like two minutes long. Ok. Thirdington, an old woman with an oxygen tank wakes up in the middle of the night to find a child specter in her home. I guess it ties into her past and leads to coughing fits and possession. At least they tried for something here, I’m not sure what but it was something. Fourth’d, a group of ladies just enjoying some wine and charcuterie talk about weird facts which leads to a conversation about shadow people. Discussing how they’re inter-dimensional beings that appear in the periphery and should never be acknowledged. Guess what happens. The red-eyed shadow person is a bit silly and again everything ends way too quickly to leave any lasting impression. The guy watching the very short short films begins bleeding out of his nose and looking a bit worse for wear. Fifth, some jerk who looks like a discounted Rami Malek if his DNA got mixed with Anthony Kiedis goes out of his way to not follow the rules which bites him on his ass when he ignores a DO NOT WATCH alert that flashes on his screen whilst watching the boob tube. The… ahem… “disturbing” footage involves some puppet-human (in that he’s got the combo of rope and fishhooks forcing him to make a call) on the phone. He calls our “hero?” and repeatedly warns him “Do not scream!” before the hooks are pulled, flesh is torn and lives are lost. Anthami Maliedis winds up hooked just like the poor Asian dude he just watched get torn apart. Bummer, man. Sixthler, some guy who definitely thought his nu metal band was gonna be bigger than the handful of bars he played before resigning to a life in the pizza delivery circuit, is lured into the woods by a poor-man’s Justine Bateman and gets ambushed by a religious cult or something. Latin is said and the former bassist (maybe drummer) wakes up in an abandoned building which resides next to a fiery apocalyptic world. There’s also a light being that runs into him and possesses his sorry ass. The cult (wearing the cheapest masks this side of a Bollywood gang of rapists) collect the dude’s soul (I think) and bring back that light being to our world. Now he and Justine Batman (so close) can be together. Good for them. That guy watching the flash drives isn’t looking that good and something in the house begins to stir. Seventhin, a middle-aged woman writes about her spooky creation The Grey Man with the edginess of a seventh grader given free rein in a creative writing class. Of course, The Grey Man begins messaging her and her night of writing turns to terror… at least it would if didn’t end immediately after it gets a pulse. Eighted, a little boy who just lost a tooth is scared of the dark and begs his grandma to leave the light on. She doesn’t listen and the kid is paid a visit by a ghost that really appreciates the aesthetic Georgie brought to the IT movies but he’s not the worst thing in the poor bastard’s room. Failed jump-scares seem to be why this short exists. Ninetherbed, a woman listens to a podcast about a serial killer who promises she’d come back through a mirror with a simple phrase used to summon her spirit. This woman, being an idiot, looks in her mirror and says the incantation immediately after hearing it. The creepy spirit pays her a visit and then texts her boyfriend to come on over. Nice that she picked up this new technology like a pro who didn’t die some 100 years ago. Jesus fucking Christ! At number ten a woman arrives at a house to watch a little boy. The kid’s mother is not there and calls her to let her know her boy wasn’t feeling well and she had to leave for work. I’d buy that for a dollar. The disheveled kitchen and boarded-up closet should be a dead giveaway that something is amiss but Angela seems pretty chill about it and keeps on babysitting the weird little goober. He’s worried that something called El Cuco, who is always hungry, is living in his closet and needs to be fed. We finally get to the last story and we find out why the dope who’s been watching these videos and bleeding out is stuck in this situation. It’s infidelity and murder in case you were curious. You feel the 84 minutes it takes you to get to the answer you had already figured out about three minutes in. It’s not something that one would call conventionally good but unconventionally… it would also be considered not good. A lot of the vignettes are pretty much the same damn thing just painted up with a different boogeyman. It’s like a bag of mixed jellybeans but the only flavors in there are black licorice and coal and the whole time you’re eating, some girl talks over it with the supernatural ability to somehow sound bored and hammy at the same time.
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