The Heiress (2023) (USA)

⭐️⭐️⭐️1/2

What that Heiress do? A question that has plagued the minds of those savvy street youths for generations. Well, search no more because finally a film is brave enough to answer that age-old question knocking around the skulls of at-risk youths from the mean streets of Vermont to the back-alleys of Delaware. So, this world is full of monsters and these creatures bring about violent death mixing awful digital blood splatter and a mouth full of blood capsules. The Heiress (Anthony Avery) dresses up like a goth kid’s idea of a Victorian ghost and goes out into the world with her well-armed soldiers to collect these various things that go bump in the night. She also has a loyal hunchbacked servant who just looks like he’s rocking a carnival-centric David Byrne Stop Making Sense suit. It’s… kinda wonderful. The Heiress and her hunchback take a tour of her collection and The Heiress shares the tales behind her prisoners. Yuki-onna is up first and a man driving home from his flight gets caught in a nasty snowstorm which, if ya know the legend, puts him right into the path of the Japanese nightmare entity. The man stops his car, not wanting to risk driving anymore, and huddles up in his vehicle. He manages to fall asleep and as he snoozes, the spectral woman looks in on him. Fitful sleep and chilliness are annoying, but a spectral woman who feeds on a weary traveler’s body warmth… well that’s something else completely. The next door conceals that sleepover staple Bloody Mary. Listen, it may hit me harder because this old urban legend scared the living hell out of me when I was just a little shit so I’m probably biased when it comes to the old mirror-dwelling entity’s exploits. A young woman moves into her new apartment and after watching some TikToks on the subject, she conjures Bloody Mary. The bloody one stalks around behind the woman as she waits for the movers to arrive with her furniture. The creeps set in and I get the feeling I shouldn’t grow all that attached to our protagonist. This is why you don’t call forth mirror specters your first night in a new apartment. Give it a month or so… trust me. Behind door number three is everyone’s favorite wailing woman La Llorana. Another young lady shows off her midriff in her empty house. Her police officer husband (boyfriend?) gets home from work, disturbed by a traffic accident that claimed the lives of a mother and her two children. She lifts his spirits by revealing she is pregnant. Ignore them dead kids! We got a live one on the way! Woohoo! Anyways, she also receives a care package from somebody who is on a Mexican excursion. Inside it is a container filled with dirty water (among other things but I believe that was the important aspect of the package). The woman starts hearing haunting weeping and vague dialogue from an obviously distraught Spanish woman. Her tub keeps turning on too. Uh oh. If ya know the lore, ya should know where this is going. Doesn’t deter from any enjoyment because the ghost is great looking and that’s of the upmost importance. By this point things are getting a little repetitive but it’s trying so I’ll cut it some slack. The final entity is the Tooth Fairy and her story is much like the other ones. A young woman is settling in at her house. She is not showing off her midriff (changing it up, I see) and looks rather cozy. Good for her. She left town to sort of clear her head following some bad nightmares after her stint in rehab. Her nightmares take place in her old house (where she is now) and give a starring role to a horrifying hooded woman with wings. She’s come back to her old home because she believes this thing has something to do with her missing little sister. So closure is the main goal but if the prior entries have taught us anything, ya can’t bring a fight to the supernatural unless you dress like that creepy-ass woman from Insidious, have a loyal hunchback and employ multiple military types with assault rifles. Poor non-midriff-showing-off woman. She didn’t stand a chance. Sure, there’s some budgetary issues that may take you out of it if you go into everything with your nose up and just like to complain more than anything. If that’s how ya get you jollies, I support you but stop harshing my buzz. The main performances are wonderfully theatrical and everyone else is fine for this vintage of independent horror so no complaints from me. Like I said earlier, there’s kind of a diminishing return aspect as it makes its way to the end because every tale involves a cool-looking ghoul wandering around behind the heroes and vanishing before being seen until it decides to show itself. It may be because I just watched Creepypasta and that not only suffered from a bit of the sameness but also had a fucking unbearable narrator. No narrator here so I immediately liked this a hell of a lot more. I dug it and wouldn’t mind spending more time with The Heiress as she spins yarns about various terrors that stick to the dark corners of your home.