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Tuesday, August 18, 2026
Aquaslash (2019) (Canada)
⭐️⭐️
Insufferable graduates hold an annual celebration party at Wet Valley Water Park where, unbeknownst to them, a lunatic has set up a giant razor blade death trap in a waterslide. Back in the summer of ‘84 the park was the site of a murder and the place hasn’t been the same since. There’s also some tension amongst the staff of the park and the usual high school bullshit that comes along with different cliques being mixed together. Unfortunately, that and uninteresting partying is what makes up the bulk of the movie. It’s a bold and very stupid choice for a slasher flick. If you’re into slasher films strictly for the sex, drugs and asshole people then first off; what the hell is wrong with you? Just go watch those nearly unwatchable comedies from the same decade and secondly; this movie is for you. There’s even drama about the sale of the waterpark to further add to the “Who really gives a fuck about any of that?” vibes. After what feels like forever, following the perfectly done murder of two banging employees in the pre-credits, the razor blade trap is finally put to use and it’s a wonderful set piece… until it loses its punch by repeating itself. Add a particular awful cover of Sunglasses at Night to further ruin the mood. So again, if your main complaint about slasher films is that there is way too much slashing, then you should watch this ASAP. Everyone else can be just as angry as me that this wonderful title was not used for another movie. The climactic bloodbath works, it just really could have used more slasher shit in the buildup to make it worth your while.
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