⭐️1/2
Somewhere in Virginia, a group of elderly teenagers are spending their Halloween in a decrepit house located in the middle of nowhere. The place is supposedly being used for some cheap-ass horror film (no, not this one) so it’ll be nice and spooky for the seasonal partying. Looking forward to a weekend of sex, booze and fun, these dopes instead find death in the form of flesh hungry zombies, a bald vampire and a ghost for some reason. Scarier than that is Ron Jeremy who is a grave robber which is slightly less worse than what he is in real life. The grave he desecrates contains a shockingly well-persevered corpse (bald Dracula… probably) and the amulet he has his partner snatch off the corpse is the catalyst for the deceased to rise from their graves. Cheap zombies (sweet!), cheap splatter (hell yes!) and cheap nu metal (oh no) soon follows. A horny couple gropes and smooches, everyone tries unsuccessfully to be the comic relief, the set looks like something Todd Sheets would utilize and almost everything is dumb as fuck. Featuring as much charm as an uninvited back massage from Ron Jeremy, it’s a brain-melting watch that has a garbage aesthetic I can get behind but also has some of the poorest audio work this side of a Long Island slasher flick and a complete lack of likable humans. Come for the dumpster fire horror shenanigans but stay for mumbled dialogue and the camera skills of a chimpanzee suffering from Parkinson’s disease. I don’t hate it but that’s just speaks to how damaged my brain is and how awful my taste in movies is.
No comments:
Post a Comment