Oslo Terror (1989) (Norway)

⭐️⭐️

The spiking of one’s beer unleashes a backyard hell on earth… well, Oslo. Whatever substance made its way into the drink of the Norwegian man Arne (looking like a Midwest Guillermo Del Toro) has the nasty side-effect of transforming him into a murderous psychopath. This happens while unlicensed Beatles music plays… briefly. They’ll be much more unlicensed music blessing us throughout, adding to a surreal tour through an unprepared city. Arne pukes up bloody noodles and turns folks into zombies and cannibals. Dumpy Arne is raising a little army of violent psychopaths it would seem. Various idiots pollute the screen and deliver something that one could call comedy if they were in a generous mood. A man masturbates in a public park while Sexy Girl by Sabrina plays on the soundtrack and my jaw drops ever so slightly in disbelief at what I’m watching. Of course, his penis (a sausage with a black condom on it (remember to be safe whilst pleasuring yourself) is ripped off and his throat is slit. He’s found by his drug addict teenage friends who freak out and flee into the empty streets of the city. One of them is brutally attacked but manages to tape up his neck wound and dance around like a lunatic. He also knocks Arne on his ass, placing himself as the leader of the gang. Listen, it’s two other people but we’re working with no money and a bunch of ambition. The other druggie who escaped wanders around the city, drinking and acting like a damn drunken idiot. He makes it home, throws up meatballs (maybe, looked like meatballs) and jumps in the shower while Singing in the Rain plays. My head hurts. The gang catches up with him and rip him apart in an impressively unconvincing manner while he tells jokes and wisecracks. On our lunatics march and two lady detectives decide to look into the killings, getting them away from their annoying landlords (who get an extended scene involving garden tool masturbation and “comedy”… one of them also looks like Noel Fielding which is horrifying) and hopefully becoming famous detectives. My head hurts. Carnage comes to a mall where maybe two percent of the people were in on things and then we go back to visit with our landlords because God is dead and Hell has set up shop in Norway. Showing that given more time to work with, Møller used the added minutes to goof off with his friends and create a true mess of a film. Not without its charms thanks to the authentic guerrilla filmmaking at play, it’s still way too much of nothing presenting itself as comedy. This is why you can only listen to teenagers (and many horror fans, if I’m being honest) for so long. Interest wanes and frustration eventually turns into disdain.