Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus (2009) (USA)

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Locked in battle, a megalodon and a giant octopus are frozen in a giant iceberg... their hatred for each other more important than the oncoming ice age. Off the Alaskan coast, the US Navy is experimenting (off the books, of course) with some low-frequency sonar. Said classified experimentation shatters the icy prison of our flash-frozen apex predators and releases them back into an unprepared world. An oceanographer, Dr. Emma MacNeil (Debbie Gibson) is unfortunate enough to be in the area when everything goes to hell. She not only witnesses the illegal activities of the US government but also the return of the colossal beasties from another era. Another problem is that her underwater trip wasn’t exactly sanctioned and this seems to concern her superiors more than anything else. The cephalopod makes its way to Japan and the shark cruises to California, death and destruction follow. Emma gets shit-canned by her scummy boss and shares her concerns about the new sea beasts with her old mentor... luckily, she just so happened to steal a big-ass tooth she found in a mutilated whale before her termination. Following the destruction of an offshore oil rig near Japan, a Japanese oceanographer gets involved and meets up with our heroes... that’s when they realize they’re getting hit on two fronts. Eventually the US Navy realizes they’re out of their element and a black-clad (and racist) Lorenzo Lamas sarcastically asks the scientists for help. The scientists want to preserve the creatures for study and Uncle Sam wants to blow them to hell. Get ready for lots of talk, a plane-obliterating leaping shark, questionable cgi, more talk and a little love making leading to some problem solving. The octopus is rarely seen (when you lay eyes on it, you’ll realize why), the shark should have been shown less, tooth and tentacle don’t clash until there’s barely any time left (it ain’t worth the wait) and sea-beast-loving Debbie Gibson changes her tune when Lamas introduces a nuclear option and decides the best bet is to throw the two creatures at each other. It should be a lot worse than it is but the cast is likable enough and the goofy cgi is pretty damn fun... although we get a hell of a lot more talk than monster action.