A holy order within the Catholic Church called The Order (or The Brotherhood. It just really depends on when the script-writer drank himself into amnesia and forgot what the hell he was doing.) takes a physical stance to fighting evil. When the renegade Father William goes missing whilst out on a hunt, the higher-ups in The Order or The Brotherhood or whatever decide it’s in their best interest to send the completely inexperienced Brother Claude out into the evil world to find the missing warrior in God’s army. This leads to... NARRATION!!!! If you’ve ever sat back and watched a film wondering why a character is doing anything (including but not limited to just walking around the streets) then buddy boy this is the flick for you. The first twenty or so minutes of this holy turd are narrated beyond the point of saintly patience and then that narration comes back around and beats that saintly patience to death and then narrates as it pisses on the beaten corpse of said patience. Claude somehow manages to find the missing priest and teams up with the insufferable cranky eyepatch-rocking racist to help a family of low level babes deal with their Satan-possessed brother... or are the ladies the evil ones?!? You won’t care. I sure as fuck didn’t. Fake blood falls on fake boobs and when the possibly possessed Christopher shows up you’ll wonder how Tommy Wiseau damaged his brain and started being worse at what he does. I don’t know where ya stand on the whole pro-life/pro-choice line but I don’t think there’s any argument that this cinematic baby should have been terminated soon after conception.
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