Goatman (2023) (USA)

1/2

The infamous urban legend gets the investigative treatment by a news reporter and her crew during an in-depth expedition in the dense woods the Goatman calls home. The chesty reporter has to deal with a “wacky” guide and a sleazy producer on top of the spookiness that goes along with the living legend. Backwoods bumpkins attack, a couple of the actors look like poor caricatures based off of vague recollections of minimally famous people and there’s very little Goatman for a movie titled Goatman. It tries really hard to be funny but that’s just not in the cards and some folks try really hard to act but that’s also not in the cards. Extensive scenes of talkin’ are followed by extensive scenes of walkin’ and 84 minutes feel like 500 when the low-jack violence isn’t on screen. The Goatman looks like a male stripper trying to add some local spice to his performance and the friendship between the anchor and cameraman is kinda cute… at least, it would be if the performances didn’t come across like the producers grabbed some random gas station employees and threw them in front of a camera with barley decipherable cue cards and no direction.