Four friends (in the loosest sense of the word), one of the girl’s emo brother and two hitchhikers get lost in the desert and decide to set up camp and get back to navigating in the morning. The male hitchhiker is a former professor of zoology and he travels the world now with his lady in tow. Emo boy stays behind in the van while everyone makes a fire and drinks some crispy boys. He hears something unsettling in the darkness but is stopped from exploring further when his sister’s boyfriend comes and convinces him to join the revelry. Ex-professor Joe shares a story about his hunt for the yeti in Everest and the death of his research partner. Surprisingly, everyone wakes up the next day with all their limbs intact. Unsurprisingly, the van won’t start and the desert is no place to be stranded in even the best conditions. With very little water, almost no food and an abundance of beer, the group has to try their damndest to make it last until they can get rescued by a passing motorist. Joe has been in harrier situations but I’m still not fully trusting his ass. Boring boyfriend Todd heads off down the road to get help and everyone else just stays by the van, being boring. Todd returns with news that they’re pretty much fucked. Panic sets in. After what feels like a longer than necessary period of time spent with people you purposefully stopped speaking with after high school, something finally attacks. Everyone survives night two and my patience is wearing thin. Night three follows after more failed wandering and the discovery of some torn apart corpses (not shown). We finally lose one of these idiots, when the monster savages Joe’s gal because she hasn’t mastered the art of leaving a van in a timely fashion. Night four rolls around and the hope brought about by the gang getting their hands on another engine (those dead derps they discovered earlier) is shattered by more death and lost keys. Incense and emo kid heroics begrudgingly drag this thing to a close. Desert sex (not recommended), braindead close-quarter unfaithfulness (also not recommended), braining the love of your life to put her out of her misery (regretfully recommended) and monster POV being the majority of your creature encounters (only recommended if you want me to despise you) add to the entertainment-void. You can take a nap before even bothering to watch it or while you’re watching, that’s your choice.
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