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Slasher films are not everyone's cup of tea. Complaints are voiced about the formulaic laziness of the whole damn genre. "You've seen one, you've seen 'em all!” They may be a showcase for clever and sometimes not so clever ways to dispose of horny "teenagers" but all in all they lean towards "by the numbers" scripting. Alas, as someone who spends his free time knocking around the bottom
Of the Tubi dumpster and consuming any and all found footage flick that comes his way, I don’t think I have any right to be critical. Not that I would be, I happen to believe there’s almost nothing as comfortable as an 80’s slasher flick… and that’s ok. If anything, The Burning will be remembered as "that slasher flick with George Costanza in it." At least it will be remembered. Tom Savini supplies the special effects so they are pretty damn perfect. It is also formulaic, even at this early stage of the genre. It still remains one of my all-time favorite slasher flicks. All the checkpoints are there: boobs, blood, POV shots and a preternatural killer. It also adds some extra spice: recognizable faces, likable characters, Savini, Jason Alexander's first nude scene and a peeping tom named Alfred. If this is the "standard" slasher film then the standard is pretty damn great. There's a hated caretaker at Camp Blackwood and the campers decide to get back at him. A lazy prank leads to third degree burns for Cropsy the caretaker. The term "pants on fire" is taken to a horrifying new place. Cropsy survives... kind of. He's released from the hospital looking like a clay sculpture I made when I was high on LSD and drunk on a few glasses of whiskey. He's pissed and he wants vengeance. First he hires a hooker (do people still us this term or have I been watching too many 70's cop films?) but before they can do the horizontal tango she sees his face and decides she doesn't need the fifteen dollars (I'm being generous). She is brutally murdered with scissors and because Savini is in charge of the deaths, it is kind of hard to watch. Realizing he has a knack for murder, he decides to head to camp to enact some sweet vengeance on any "teenager" around. The doomed teens turn out to be pretty damn likable. You have a few jerks but for the most part I didn't want any of these nerdy kids and cute girls to get it. Some of them may have looked like undercover cops trying to fit in with a group of teenage drug dealers but they still had inner beauty. The same even goes for the resident jerk off. There was heart beneath that tough exterior. He was still murdered but Glazer wasn't a complete dick. Alfred may have been a creeper but he wasn't just a creeper. Most of the other "kids" are just your run-of-the-mill late-twenties-looking teens, joking around and having some fun. They go off on a canoeing/camping trip and that's when Cropsy makes his move. Lost canoes lead to the building of a raft, rafting to get more canoes leads to a memorable massacre and this massacre leads to everyone realizing just how fucked they are. I know I have mentioned Tom Savini a few times already but the man is a master at his craft. The violence is brutal as hell and realistic to boot. This helps in making the deaths poignant and lasting. You watch a man get decapitated with the aid of CGI and you can immediately say "Look how stupid that was! Fantastic!" but when you watch these people slaughtered in a completely realistic fashion you can only mourn for the loss of your crush and your probable D&D partners. I love weird cinema. I love trash films. I love garbage that only someone with a damaged brain could find amazing; they’re the weird food you've never tried but your more cultured friend forces you to eat. It's a wonderful thing experiencing new tastes but sometimes you should enjoy what you've eaten since you were just a little weirdo. Slasher films are the Taco Bell of my horror genre. Taco Bell can really hit the spot sometimes.
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