A woman is chained to a wall in a cardboard dungeon built in someone’s basement, judging by her expression when she comes to, she is either shocked or slightly aroused by her own constipation. Halloween decorations and a mutilated Bart Simpson doll add to the “terror” the chained woman wakes up to. A Marilyn-Monroe-looking woman bathed in green light and sporting ridiculously huge conical boobs shambles out, followed by two less memorable ladies and states that the “age of demons” will soon be upon us. Turns out this poor woman will be the 100th sacrifice and the mighty Zordak Empire is dawning. Henchmen that even the Foot Clan would make fun of pop in, the blonde gets her top ripped off and old cone-boobs demands her Hot-Topic-costumed huntress slay the distressed damsel. They manage to open the doorway to hell but the high priestess warns that to summon the demon they will need someone else with fantastic psychic powers and that man happens to be named Mitch Feinstein… yep. Mitch Feinstein. Turns out Mitch got his powers by accident as a gimmick for his death metal band, so the henchmen are sent out to gather up Mitch and of course we’re “treated” to live music that sounds like an opening act at a Horror-con I would never attend. Mitch is worried all the demonic crap his band is getting into is taking its toll on him but it’s also given him telekinetic powers. They do little to protect him from a gang of “Latino” thugs. Luckily the henchmen step in and slaughter the lot of ‘em, grabbing Mitch and taking him to that basement/dungeon where the ladies explain what they need him for. Then we cut to Mitch’s older brother and his friends doing karate in a field. Cue bad dubbing and sound effects. Mitch refuses to help but the blonde leader quickly puts him in his place. The unemployed demon (don’t ask me, I’m just repeating what they said) gets summoned in all his rubber-mask-and-old-lady’s-pink-coat glory. With the demon summoned, they drop Mitch off wherever and command the demon to cause destruction. Of course, more sacrifices will be needed. Mitch goes to his brother for help and off they go to stop the forces of evil. White guy kung fu and in-camera effects go on forever as Mitch gets captured and the same guitar riff plays on ad infinitum. Damon Foster’s Age of Demons is a mixture of garbage backyard filmmaking and the kind of fantasy only the saddest of high school loners wish they could live out. Littered with cringe-inducing racism (somehow the opening claim that it’s meant to amuse and not offend makes it worse), humor that unsurprisingly fails on every level (including gay jokes that just keep going), shit special effects, bad Ultraman cosplay and something I wouldn’t exactly call acting. The bad taste it leaves is momentarily washed away by the talentless dungeon-dwelling evil women and low-grade demon shenanigans but everything in between is a chore to get through. 80 minutes stretches into hours and it comes to a close with a black-magic-activated android called Cybertron coming to the rescue. It’s amazing what Damon Foster was able to do with paper route savings but it’s more amazing that he was able to convince anyone to show their boobs on camera... even if she was a hooker. There’s some nice cameos from a Dead Pit poster, an Angry Samoans shirt, a Fawlty Towers sheet and a Chicago White Sox hat. There’s a lot going against it but somehow when all is said and done, I can’t help but recommend it to fans of Z-grade hijinks.
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