A few wannabe criminals on the low-end of dangerous have come up with an especially scuzzy scheme. This quartet of scumbags are ransoming the corpse of a child to the dead kid’s family. I’m no saint but that is on the impressive side of dirtbag. The gang is hiding out in an old cabin somewhere in the backwoods of Louisiana while they wait on their payday and they come across a spirit board because every old cabin in the backwoods of anywhere is legally required to have some means to contact the spirit world. Sure enough, they give it a go to pass the time. The black and white opening has a horny couple entering a cabin for privacy and mentioning something about a writer living nearby who wrote a book about black magic practitioners. Probably important but getting their bang on is more important so sex on a decrepit couch goes down and Evil Dead POV happens while full frontal nudity graces the screen (it’s in black and white, so I believe that makes it classy instead of sleazy). A noise puts an end to the bone sessions and the guy goes to take a look. The woman also steps outside, tastefully putting on her thong but remaining topless. The man finds an adorable possum and is then attacked by the camera and dragged away. All of this is watched by that adorable possum. Our topless damsel eventually falls victim to the demonic POV after it gets a good look at her ass. Sixteen months pass and we join our dipshits (still in black and white) as some incredibly poor performer narrates what got us to this point and she also lets us know she’s a dominatrix. Not sure if it’s important but she lets us know so I thought I’d let you know. Film school footage of a decaying bird happens as she attempts to sound serious spitting out her “too cool” stupidity. The four goth kids who honestly look about as threatening as, well, goth kids who take themselves far too seriously head to that professor’s cabin (our narrator was a student of his and remembered him mentioning he was going to be out of the country) with the kid-corpse in hand. The narrator/leader Lace, spills that the dead infant they have was the daughter of a prominent family and the police won’t be involved because the coroner’s claim of SIDS was purchased by the rich family to avoid scandal and jail time. Papa is a murderer and we get to see him murder his mistress (naturally after she shows some boobage) when he discovers she knows too much. Eventually a journal (flashback/exposition baby!) and antique spirit board are discovered in the cabin and all hell breaks loose in a budget-conscious style because we got a parasitic demon-worm on our hands! This worm also causes a butt-naked dead woman to raise a little hell in all her chesty and unerotic possessed evilness.
In-camera video effects, cheap puppetry and pointless shots sometimes featuring nature’s natural ickiness scream of youthful pretension. How many times do I gotta see maggots and what’s the fucking point of an empty wheelchair moving down a hallway? Who would dream of this? God damn goths. The line delivery feels like the performers didn’t even believe the bullshit they were spitting and places me back in coffee shops from decades ago surrounded by people I could barely tolerate in my more tolerant years. I don’t know why, but it’s making me nostalgic. An impressively awful lead brings plenty of laughter while a pointlessly busy plot drags everything out into a territory where the viewer becomes just as bored by the chaos as our “heroes” seemingly are. There’s a whole lotta nudity and even more stupidity, it ain’t great but it has enough gumption to go with its genuine amateur aesthetic to get an acknowledging nod from me.
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