The Horrible Sexy Vampire (1971) (Spain)

aka The Vampire of the Highway/Sexy Vampire 

⭐️⭐️1/2

Grisly murders besiege a German town and the police are convinced a serial killer is on the prowl. A coroner believes the slayings to be the work of a reclusive baron who died decades ago and was rumored to be a vampire. The coroner notices the killer’s pattern coinciding with the terror from a century before and is having a hard time convincing the authorities that something undead is responsible for the new horrors plaguing the town via an invisible menace who can come and go as it pleases. The coroner has his father’s journals which involve extensive research on the baron and his vampy shenanigans, so you can blame that for the man of science’s belief in a fucking vampire. The supernatural menace and his glorious helmet of hair shows up at the castle while the coroner and the police are snooping around and in a shocking turn of events, he murders the fuck out of all of them. The former head inspector returns to town to figure out who slaughtered his predecessor and ease the fears of the townsfolk. Count Oblensky and his albino-like hair arrives in from London to set up in the ancestral home. It’s a stipulation of the great grandfather’s will that any ancestor looking for the inheritance must set up in the castle or forfeit the inheritance. Intrigued by the mysterious stipulations of the will, Oblensky plans to get to the bottom of his family’s troubled history. He doesn’t buy into the dark legends but he wants to have a better understanding of the home to defend it whenever someone calls his family line into question. Women continue to get topless and the invisible evil continues to do what it does… when it feels like being invisible, sometimes it’s just the hair-helmeted vampire strangling folks. The inspector is growing frustrated as answers are eluding him and he maintains a pleasant relationship with the new master of the castle. Each are excited to look into the castle’s cellar but are waiting on a search warrant as investigating the basement is strictly off limits according to the will but Oblensky will honor any court order and use the opportunity to have a look. He begins reading through his ancestor’s diary in the meantime but enters the cellar after following spectral laughter. There, he discovers the coffin of great grandpa and great grandma and has a run in with the vampire who vanishes just as quickly as he appeared. The Count nopes the fuck out and goes to the inspector with his bizarre encounter. His fantastic story is denied by the lawman and blamed on booze. But the bodies keep dropping and Oblensky is convinced his ancestor is behind everything. Oblensky’s girlfriend arrives and I can’t help but imagine how blonde their children will be. The vampire finally speaks to his great grandchild and reveals what he wants. There’s not much of an interesting hook outside of brave hairstyles, bare breasts, a memorable main theme, intriguing fashion choices and rich interiors as the vampire shenanigans are nothing special unless you consider the fiends boring preference for strangulation and invisibility… I mean, come on. There’s enough going for it to keep me interested (it’s still a Spanish horror flick from the seventies, after all) but not enough to warrant multiple viewings. It’s not sexy, it’s not all-that horrible and dude ain’t much of a vampire.