⭐️1/2
The world is pretty damn fucked and it’s not just because it’s apparently populated with crap actors. Nope, various monsters have decided it’s a good time to wage war on humanity and we are losing. Shit cgi brings random creatures to whatever life shoddy computer work can grant (Tyrannosaurs, giant bugs, a fucking dragon and a dumbass humanoid-scorpion thing that gets most of the screen time) and the cast has the acting capabilities of a 3rd grade class populated with oak trees. Various folks meet up and flee whatever random monstrous shit is thrown their way. A mother (glorious Earth Angel Chrissie Wunna) and her kids (in the running for filmdom’s worst child performers) eventually stumble upon a home occupied with a diverse group of community thespians and decide to lay low and survive. The nun in the batch of idiots is convinced it’s some sort of biblical punishment for us sinners, the blonde gal just misses her boyfriend and the goth girl is… well, goth. The home (actually a hostel) is owned by a kind middle-aged woman and her protective son. A couple soldiers show up, scouting for shelters and let everyone know the government is just as lost as they are. Swelling dramatic music plays over the slowest escape in film history, a possibly deaf British man is given too many lines, crew members appear on screen, attempts at drama are rendered absurd by poor performances and then it just kind of ends. There’s a lot of chatter but also a good amount of big, dumb stupidity to get you through. Is it worth your time? No. Not really and if you have such a low opinion of yourself that you think it is, just know I believe in you and I think we’re better off with you on this planet… which is exactly how I feel about Chrissie Wunna.
No comments:
Post a Comment