⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
An archeology professor uncovers an ancient Etruscan crypt and the zombies that call it home. His protests of “Stand back! I’m your friend!” fall on deaf ears which may be decomposed into nothingness anyways and he ends up eaten. This is unfortunate for three couples of varying degrees of sleaze and one child firmly dwelling in the uncanny valley thanks to being portrayed by an Italian midget in a toupee. They have just arrived at the manor where the esteemed Professor Ayres was staying while working on the discovery that lead to his untimely death. They don’t know he’s gone or that a large number of shambling corpses are now prowling the area but considering this group of folks have the combined intelligence of balsa wood, I don’t think they would have been long for this world even if the living dead weren’t about to lay siege to the manor they find themselves spending the weekend in. Zombies grab weapons to help thin out the cast (I think one uses a railroad spike with impressive marksmanship), the creepy kid tries to get sexual with his mother (the completely alluring Mariangela Giordano, but that is no excuse for incest), some of the greatest dialogue in horror history blesses our unbelieving ears (“You look just like a little whore, but I like that look on you.” “Mother, this cloth smells of death.”), there’s plentiful nudity from trashy women, plenty of man flesh you would rather not see without clothes, morning J&B drinking, cheap zombie masks, a good amount of maggots, nipple chomping and about one functioning brain cell amongst seven protagonists. It’s a bonafide trash classic that does not shy away from unconvincing graphic splatter or wallowing in the awfulness of its human heroes… “heroes” is definitely a stretch. It’s the cinematic equivalent of discovering the fatal car accident you caused only claimed the life of a family of Nazis and I’m pretty sure if you watch it without protection it may give you VD. Yes, that is a recommendation.
No comments:
Post a Comment