Sunday, December 28, 2025

Zuma (1985) (Philippines)

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️1/2 


The excavation of a long-buried temple unleashes Zuma into the world. He’s a giant bald green man with two large poisonous snakes on his shoulders and he has a taste for virgin hearts. He rapes and enslaves a young woman, who then leads more victims to her new master. Professor Philip (the man behind the excavation), his lovely girlfriend and the chief of police race against the clock to stop Zuma’s reign of terror. Once captured, he proves to be impossible to kill and even more problematic is the fact his sentient seed is on a mission to impregnate any lady it can after his slave/baby-mama is killed in prison. We are now an hour into this two hour film. We get a nineteen year time jump, the spawn of Zuma (whose snakes are well controlled and hidden in her pigtails), and a final confrontation between father and daughter. My love for Filipino cinema is further solidified with this bat-shit insane two hours. There are some dull patches but they are (usually) quickly answered by a swift kick in the nuts of bizarre beauty. We don’t deserve Zuma.

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