The wind brings death along with it after Abby’s inheritance comes with ownership of an old kite. Loud and obnoxious people surround her, so I guess it’s fortuitous that the kite is bloodthirsty. The damn thing even ties back to the occult bullshit those damn Nazis got up to. She hands the kite off to her brother who is inexplicably excited about owning a kite with history and after he does some research, he realizes there is something very wrong with the world’s least entertaining outdoor activity. He dies soon after, leaving Abby a message that they need to talk. She’s visited by a specter that night and he warns her against interfering. He advises if she lets things go, the kite will continue killing but will leave her alone. The next morning she discovers it wasn’t a ghost because the guy is still in her house and he’s pretty hungry. He’s elusive as to why she needs to let the kite thing go but continues to warn her against pursuing all of it. He vanishes shortly after. Soon, incredibly inept special effects bring death to random dopes. It’s pretty great. Abby knows a supernatural kite is behind the evil and that the necklace she also inherited (I think it’s the head of a spoon) is connected to all of it. A horny coworker decides to help her out but how much help he’ll be is questionable. This leads to a bread festival (kites love bread, everybody knows that), the revelation that the kites are multiplying and a massacre that gets folks believing in the danger of kites. Coupons are clipped, a team of heroes is formed and a shirt design is blurred for copyright reasons. Yes. It has a title track. Yes. There is kite pov. Yes. It’s a solid thirty minutes stretched out to about seventy that somehow delivers comedy that works… even if some doesn’t. And, yes. Kites are communists. Abby is a likable hero, some of the idiots are endearing and it’s ridiculous enough to get me smiling in between rolling my eyes. “It was a festival of bread, now it’s a festival of dead.”
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