A dirt-cheap werewolf anthology shot in the backyards, backwoods and lazy streets of Michigan or the side streets of New York and released straight to video in the early aughts is something that makes this old heart sing. Don’t worry. I’m fully aware that I am, in fact, the problem. Blood Reunion starts things off with writer Edward Sparrow reluctantly coming back to his hometown looking up an old classmate by the name of Jane Radford following his divorce. He’s disheartened to find the young woman is still under the tyrannical eye of Granny Radford. She warns him that Granny should be home soon and she’s so worried about it she tries to sneak him out before the old bag can see the gentleman caller. Granny is a real bitch and ain’t happy at all that there’s a man in the house. The man takes his leave as the hag pisses and moans. A brief flash of a rubber-mask werewolf follows some in-camera POV effects. The local sheriff stops by the hotel where the writer is staying to question him about a string of animal mutilations going on. Edward being a horror writer and arriving just in time for the mutilations has the sheriff suspicious. Jane stops by soon after. Local drunks/idiots crack middle-aged jokes at Jane as she walks home and the one who looks most like an uncle (in a fucking Red Dog hat, to boot!) stumbles off alone and is quickly mauled. More questions come the sarcastic author’s way from the sheriff and he’s told to not leave town. He and Granny have a confrontation when he comes by to check on Jane and grandma shares the tragic story of the girl’s birth and talks about a family curse and the “sins of the flesh”. It’s like Michigan by way of Bible Belt. Edward decides to leave town and Jane tries to stop him but he’s convinced her grandma is filling her head with bullshit and has had enough. Edward’s love and lust for the woman is just going to lead to tragedy and the revelation of a delightfully cheap lady werewolf. It’s a stretch getting to the climactic amateur bliss but well worth the bland trip. It closes with needless exposition and a cameo by a New York (maybe Michigan) prostitute. Next up is Old Blood and it’s about another doomed romance, except some bible-thumping granny ain’t around this time to put a stop to all the tomfoolery. A lesbian couple consists of one supernatural predator and a mortal woman who wants to join her lover in lycanthropy. The wolf-woman doesn’t want to put that curse on her girlfriend but she is persistent about joining the pack and gaining power she’s only ever dreamed of. Relationship struggles are discussed and conversations about the awfulness of the curse play out like it’s the most interesting thing to ever be caught on camera. The eager idiot ends up regretting her choice and once we see what the beast looks like, we can sympathize with her because I feel bad for anyone who has to wander around looking as stupid as she does. There’s talk of a ceremony and breaking the curse… there’s alot of talk in this one. Everyone is awful and nobody deserves a happy ending. The final segment is Man Beast and features a man being chased by two hunters through the woods because of his “curse”. We hear his inner monologue and then watch as the hunters briefly become the hunted before becoming the hunters again. There’s some butt-metal music playing throughout the extended chase. Camouflage and middle-aged dad adventures play out in some dreary stretch of wilds. The twist is so poorly set up that I don’t know if anything this telegraphed could technically be called a “twist”. And this one just keeps on trucking along. The whole anthology strives to be something deeper than it is and the viewer certainly pays the price for this movie’s pretentious ambitions. What could have been a stupid monster flick starring people just a bit too old to be making stupid monster flicks sinks into a boring stew of character studies with a focus on nobody cares about and action that exists in a realm consisting of material cut for being to dull from a teenager’s home movie. The local aesthetic is right up my alley and the cast of uncles in the bookends makes me very happy. The cheap monsters are also my kind of fun but are barely featured. Stupid enough for one viewing but they’ll be no revisits.
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