Mayhem strikes Massachusetts when an escaped mental patient replaces his missing hand with a BBQ fork and goes on a budget-conscious rampage against the local elderly teenage population. Tommy’s car (Green Monster) is impressively decorated with baseball cards, more impressively a Massachusetts seven seems all about him. The local mental institution is populated with local theater nut jobs and a staff comprised of uncles and librarians. It’s also where the handless lunatic Mason Crane makes an easy escape by the fatal usage of a door and a clipboard. Did you know if one were to throw a clipboard hard enough it could penetrate the human skull? I did… but that’s only because I’ve seen this before. Uncles make for terrible security and their soft skulls are easily penetrated. Tommy takes his date out to a shit-shack in the woods and playfully chases her around while the escaped lunatic gets his hands (hand) on that previously mentioned utensil and murders a dog. What a dick. Tommy’s date is concerned about the wandering lunatic but her baseball-loving beau tells her there’s nothing to be concerned about. He’s the captain of the baseball team and knows some kind of karate. He’s wrong… there is definitely cause for concern. A game of graveyard hide and seek ends in fork death, a shit-shack neighbor mumbles his lines and runs off to die, a makeout session goes on forever (think of those chapped lips!) and we discover forty minutes is just a bit too long to spend on the exploits of Massachusetts teenagers and maniacs. Don’t get me wrong, it has its charms and the enthusiasm is there but it also feels like it took itself just a little too seriously for its own good. I hope the Green Monster went to the loveliest of automobile heavens when it died.
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