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Opening search and rescue footage comes to a close when a man pops up missing his eyes and eventually slicing his own throat. A hairy young man talks to the camera, expressing his frustration over the local police department declaring his missing sister a cold case. His starting point is where the search ended and the disturbing footage went down. Off into the woods Roger marches to get some answers about his missing sibling Kaylee. He films the whole thing, talking to us about how much bullshit is going down. The dude wants answers and he wants us to have those answers along with him. His main suspect is Kaylee’s boyfriend who has also vanished but he never trusted the guy. Roger is super serious and a little too intense for his own good but he’s got a solid look… like a cryptid hunter who was once called “really cool” on My Space and just let that sort of shape his personality for the rest of his life. Into the dark woods Roger goes, well off the main trail and right into danger. He comes across a camping father and son. The son tries freaking him out by wandering around in a clown mask and the father warns him about how weird and dangerous the area is. Yeah, I wouldn’t accept the invite to camp down with them for the night either. Roger knows his sister was an experienced outdoorsman and he just can’t wrap his head around how she could have made a mistake out there in the forest. He talks more and more and pieces us is on different tidbits of information which I’m guessing will be important. Some goth kids came out to the area to summon a witch and went missing. Does that have anything to do with anything? Roger thinks it might. That night after settling down he hears what sounds like a baby crying, investigates a little, talks about hating these woods and then calls it a day and wakes up disheveled in the middle of nowhere. He’s not sure how he got there or where his things are. His hat is also missing which is of upmost concern to him. He has a hard time navigating back because his compass is going all wonky and not giving him any sense of direction. He watches the footage he shot before he woke up and it’s him wandering. He finds an abandoned camp site which looks like it belonged to those goth kids he talked about earlier. The last thing on the camera is his sister’s boyfriend coming up behind him. Now he’s sure the dude is guilty and he’s gonna find him. Oh yeah, he finds his hat too. So, small victories. He ends up back at the goth camp and finds a camera which allows him to watch the footage the goobers shot of their summoning ritual. It involves a Ouija board, candles and a gas mask. It ends in possession, a spooky witch appearing and death. Typical. Roger dismisses it as film school bullshit but he still decides to boot the fuck out of the woods after his viewing of it. In his exit, he comes across Kaylee’s tent and supplies and it all shockingly looks like it was recently used. He finds out the third member of their hiking/camping trip (that guy who slit his own throat in the opening) filmed the whole expedition… so we get to watch that. He watches as the woods go all Blair Witch with time, terrain and logic going all wonky. Kaylee’s boyfriend panics and becomes an insufferable asshole and that bug-eyed witch pops up again. Roger wakes up covered in blood that isn’t his own and confusion precedes murder which is followed by guilt. Our hero talks a lot and smokes cigarettes like he’s three bourbons deep. It kind of endeared him to me because he just reminded me of multiple dudes I grew up with. Granted, I don’t miss them being in my life but we all grow up and apart eventually. Ya know… “Endeared” is way too strong a word. Let’s say I wasn’t as annoyed by him as much as I should have been. I mean, he kinda grunt-talks like Vin Diesel and his dramatic battle cry involved quoting The Devil Went Down to Georgia so I’m not going to say “endeared”. If the witch is not rocking a rubber mask then somebody managed to master makeup work that comes pretty damn close to the Spirit Halloween discount rack. There’s also zombies so… what? To quote the shockingly not late and not that great Roger; “Fuck these woods.”
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