Frozen Sasquatch (2018) (Canada/USA)

⭐️⭐️

Feel free to drink any time I use the word “unconvincing”. Shaky footage of Mark Polonia brings us right into the story. He’s a scientist and he warns that “the creature” escaped during the night and most of the team on site at the base are dead. Very little guess work is needed to figure out what has massacred a base full of idiots. Shitty digital snow is added to the outside filming as a man in ratty Bigfoot costume chases down a scientist and eviscerates him. One week earlier in the upper Himalayan Region (looking eerily like the Midwest during a particularly warm Fall), hunters track down a Sasquatch and thanks to a fortuitous avalanche (as unconvincing an avalanche as you will ever see), the men get their hands on the rare beast. It’s brought to Research Base 227 and we all know how this went. Now, a group of scientists are gathered to head to the Himalayan research facility and see what happened to the team. The company fronting the research would also like them to see if they can salvage any of the study because the prospect of having a Yeti on hand is one hell of a scientific boon. The group land and camp in the Himalayas, which looks incredibly warm and green at this time of year, and talk about the legend and how believable it is that it’s actually been captured. While this is going on, we watch as the yeti creeps around the bushes and it also cuts to some husky white dude worshipping a skull at an alter in a cave. Ya know, Himalayan stuff. The team makes it to the facility and find it almost completely abandoned. A terrified employee is hiding in a closet and all she can get out is “yeti.” That seems to be all it takes to convince our heroes that they got their curious hands on the real deal. The former lovers in the trio poke around in the computer system and the other guy goes to look around the base. Hilariously unconvincing in every way (it’s a Polonia film so I’m confident Mark is in on it), if you’re not in the mood, ya may bang your head against a hard surface until you no longer have to deal with it. An unconvincing Bigfoot costume has nothing on the unconvincing research facility which pales in comparison to the unconvincing Himalayan setting. Inept, even for a late-era Polonia flick, but that’s not the issue. The issue is just how lazy it all feels. Charm usually goes far when it comes to Polonia but this just comes off like someone had access to a community college for a long weekend and decided to see if they could make any profit off of a half-formed Sasquatch idea. Things get enjoyable when they get silly, unfortunately that goes down in the last fifteen minutes. I will say, it’s probably the best looking cast Mark Polonia has ever directed.