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Wednesday, September 16, 2026

Balawis (1996) (Philippines)

⭐️⭐️⭐️


Mr. Ventura has paid a lot of money to some shady people to get his hands on a Japanese piece of scrapbook left over from the Second World War. Well, initially. He kills the man he made the trade with and absconds with the treasure and cash whilst laughing manically… he’s kind of a piece of shit. Enter a badass named Ken, introduced having a flashback in a gun range. He, his chick-digging brother Nats and his special-lady-friend Desiree are hired by Mr. Ventura to explore a Japanese garrison to help search for some undiscovered treasure tied to the scrapbook. The trio join Ventura’s team to explore the decrepit building. Now we’ve already seen Japanese soldiers wiped out during the long-ass opening credits by some nasty beastie, so we know it’s only a matter of time before whatever monster calls the place home does the same to our team. Ken warns them the building may kill them before anything else gets the chance but Ventura is hellbent on ending his years-long quest for whatever was hidden in this compound decades earlier. They camp nearby and it’s at a perfect distance for the slimy reptile-beast to pick ‘em off. Ventura is obviously keeping important information to himself and his treasure is of the monstrously biological variety. He also doesn’t give a shit when his men end up dead and doesn’t let Ken and his friends leave when the shit hits the fan. Luckily the trap he has set manages to capture the weird armadillo-bearded-dragon-human-thing that’s been exterminating his crew. The legendary creature escapes almost as quickly as it was captured and thins out the herd as the night goes on. Ventura reveals his backstory, guns prove pretty useless and a bunch of people who I don’t think were ever given names are disposable meat for the claws and fangs of the titular undocumented fauna. Cross-dressing “comic relief” made possible by homophobia and a few dull stretches work about as well as you’d expect but there is a dog named Sassy, an abuse of less-than-successful transitions, baby Balawises… Balawi (?) and a whole bunch of delightful bullshit between monster scenes. It’s lame but forgivable because its heart was in the right place.

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