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Wednesday, August 26, 2026

Bollywood Evil Dead (2008) (India)

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Truth in advertising… Bollywood style. A group of students unleash evil at the abandoned house of an archaeologist who discovered something ancient and awful. He brings the tome home with him and chants some mantras within. But first, there’s a love scene as spicy as anything you can see in this neck of the world with the production value of an American porno flick from a decade earlier. It’s the archeologist and his wife before the book takes control. His wife gets possessed, he’s forced to murder her and he buries her in the backyard. So far, so good. He has an inner monologue about the evils of the book and then his wife rises from the ground, grabs an axe and puts an end to his pity party. HIT THE OPENING DANCE NUMBER! Unfortunately not performed by the possessed corpse but I’ll make do. After a brief music video bit, a group of sexy youths travel by jeep and act all horny and youthful. They also dress like they’re on their way to a Smashmouth concert… needless to say, they are my kind of people. The only girl not getting it on, senses a presence around her and encounters a singing spirit in a white gown. She sings a siren song and the girl, rocking a revealing red tank-top and short-shorts combo follows her. This leads her right to the cabin in the middle of the woods. CUE THE DEEP EVIL LAUGHTER! The baritone voice tells her to come in and when she flees like any sane person, that lovable Raimi swooping camera follows behind. I don’t know if you know this, but I’m already deeply in love with this. Sweety makes it back to her friends and lets her buddies know that something ain’t right about this land. They laugh off her warnings about the supernatural and keep going with the camping revelries. A crazy shaman interrupts things and acts like a raving lunatic as he screams at them to run away before they all end up dead. It’s not the best way to convince someone that you’re serious. As Sweety continues to protest them staying in the area, the idiots jump back in their jeep and drive to the house she warned them about… although, she’s not coming off as any brighter because she goes along with them. After a quick look through by dreamboat Sunny (rocking a tank top that reads GORILLA UNIT) the friends decide to crash in the old house. As expected, things do not go well for the rambunctious group. Sweety starts having vivid nightmares and poltergeist activity works to freak her the fuck out. It also slams open the previously locked door to the cellar and the creepy shit the archeologist discovered. There’s a record featuring the siren song Sweety had heard earlier and then a creepy message in a spooky voice welcoming them to their fates. If you’ve seen the ‘81 classic there will be very few surprises in store for you and if you haven’t and are starting off with this… what the hell is your life and can I be a part of it? So, I’m pretty sure the budget is somehow smaller and censorship being what it is dulls the edge but there’s 100% more singing ghost this time around and a hot pink nightgown is the most disturbing thing to be featured on screen. If an even more budget-strained Evil Dead gets your psychotronic heart hammering, then seek this bad boy out. The cheap Deadite makeup is wonderful and the workarounds of the necessary super-violence is charming as all hell. Also helps that it runs nearly half as long as the usual Bollywood flick.

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